Total Drama Reset
by Constipated Waffle
Summary: 19 former contestants get another chance at the million as they head back to the Action set, lampooning popular TV shows and getting themselves into trouble. Romance! Betrayal! Humor! You know, the usual Total Drama junk. Co-written by Constipated Waffle and Pika Scootaloo. Rated K plus just because.
1. The Show Begins Yet Again

Chef Hatchet groaned as the bus he was driving hit yet another pothole. He couldn't believe Chris had made him drive the Total Drama contestants all the way from the airport he picked them up at to the "top-secret" movie lot. Usually it was the interns' jobs to round up the contestants, but Chris kept insisting they needed the interns for the "special first challenge." Yeah, sure. "He's probably just getting back at me for some petty reason I don't even remember," he thought to himself. "Typical Chris."

Meanwhile, the contestants in the bus were having a significantly better time than the disgruntled cook. "So, who do you guys think is gonna win the million this time?" Owen shouted happily, having finally stopped singing The Wheels on the Bus.

Noah started to say something snarky, but decided the new route of conversation was a better way to pass the time than a sixth round of "Singing with Owen." Having already thought this through once before, he instead said, "Well, statistically, it's not too likely that one of the previous winners will win again. For that matter, it's not too likely one of the runner-ups will win either. Last All-Stars season, that didn't really change much at all, seeing as how they were all All-Stars and all, but they seem to be bringing back a lot of more underappreciated contestants this season."

"That brings up another concern," Zoey noted. "Have you guys noticed that there are only 17 contestants on this bus? That means one of the teams is going to be uneven, and well…"

"Actually, you might be safer on the team with fewer contestants, especially if Scott's on the bigger team," Courtney snidely remarked. Everybody ignored her, just as they had on the ride up. She looked around for any sign the other contestants had heard her at all, but everybody ignored her glance.

"Hey, this road looks familiar!" Cody suddenly realized, breaking the almost minute-long silence. "I think we're going to the old Action set!"

The contestants pulled up to the film lot, where they saw a huge girl with green hair towering over their bus.

"Dakota!" Cameron shouted happily, half out of actual enjoyment to see her again and half out of his surprise that she seemed to be slightly less mutated now.

"CAMERON!" Dakota replied, picking him up as soon as he dismounted the bus.

"Did you follow my advice and seek out a specialist?" Cameron asked, having been in touch with her over the Internet since the end of the fourth season.

Dakota nodded. "DOCTORS SAY I GET BETTER WITH TREATMENT!" she roared.

"I see that! Can –"

"Yeah, yeah, touching reunion and all, now look at me!" an unmistakably sadistic voice called out from a megaphone. Instantly, both the Bubble Boy and mutated daddy's girl looked over at Chris and rolled their eyes. Chris stepped out from one of the various film lots, with a smug look plastered over his face. "Everyone who's not these two, dismount the bus! You should be thankful I managed to catch your departure on tape, almost ruined the shot… Are the cameras still rolling? Does the red light mean this thing is on or off?"

Noah rolled his eyes as he got off the bus. "What's the problem, Chris? Where did your interns go? Did they catch wind of the 13th amendment over in the U.S. and escape there?"

"Ah, Noah. Never stopping with the wisecracks and the sarcastic comments and such." Chris made a "tsk"-ing sound in mock disappointment. "Go over and stand over by those two stages or whatever."

Dawn exited the bus next, followed closely by B. Cody tripped down the stairs and started laughing nervously as he pushed himself back up. "Do me a solid and cut that footage, okay, Chris?" he said.

"I'd lie, but what's the point? I'm keeping it in," Chris retorted, laughing a bit. Cody sighed and kept walking over to where the others were.

Bridgette was next off the bus, followed by Mike and Zoey, who were trying to stay as close as possible, more out of distrust of Chris than anything.

Owen followed the two by jumping out of the bus. "Woo-hoo!" he shouted. "Back for another season!"

"Yes, I can see you're excited, Owen," Chris said, rolling his eyes. "Over there."

Izzy was the next to depart the bus, looking around in suspicion before crawling over to the others. Scott followed, strutting up to Chris and trying to high-five him. Chris ignored him and left him hanging. Scott kept trying for a few seconds before giving up and walking over to the others.

Gwen followed out of the bus, prompting a reply from Chris. "Hey, Gwen! How fitting that you're the thirteenth contestant to be shown, considering, y'know, you're a gloomy goth and-"

"Shut it, Chris," Gwen zipped back, not even breaking a sweat as she walked over toward the welcoming committee. Chris shrugged, almost knocking over the camera as he did. "Stupid cameras… how do the interns hold these… you can't even show feeling without them tipping over… how do those interns do it… they must be like… emotionless zombies or something."

"Chris, please stop muttering to yourself and show the audience my true beauty," Alejandro said, stepping up and making a seductive pose at the camera.

"Nobody is impressed, Al," Chris grunted, upset with the Arch-Villain's "muttering to yourself" complaints. "Go over there."

Alejandro made a huffing noise and strutted over to the line. He was followed by Sierra, who ran as fast as she could to see Cody, having been asleep most of the bus ride due to that funny-tasting drink Chef had given her, and Heather followed suit, looking royally ticked off she had to return for yet another season she was bound to lose. Courtney was the next off the bus, and she gave a glaring look to Heather, who had convinced everyone to keep Courtney trapped in her row for as long as possible.

"Well, I think that's everyone," Chris said, confidently picking up the camera and walking over to the others.

"Actually, Chris," Chef yelled to be heard, grinning a little, "there's one more contestant." He walked to the very back of the bus, where loud obscenities could be heard from what was clearly the voice of everyone's favorite criminal.

Duncan stormed down the steps on the bus, looking furiously at all the other contestants. "When I went to sleep last night, I was in my nice, comfortable bed at the prison. Now, I'm back with these losers again?"

"Relax, Duncan," our host said calmingly, walking over with a contract. "I got the funds needed to pay your bail, but as a trade-off, you've got to come back for one more All-Stars season."

"Show me!" Duncan shouted, ripping the contract from Chris' hands. After reviewing it carefully, he angrily gave the all-powerful piece of paper back to Chris and stomped over to the rest of the contestants. Chris, naturally, followed to round up the contestants.

"Well, now that we're all here," Chris began, shooting a glance Duncan's way, "I guess it's time to arrange the teams! When I call your name, please come up and stand here on the left stage! And our first member is... Cody!"

Cody walked up to the platform, pretending to shoot towards the camera in that way everybody thinks looks cool and makes you a ladykiller but really just looks dumb. However, Cody only compounded his already low reputation among most of the other campers by tripping over the steps on the podium, busting his nose in the process.

After Chris begrudgingly helped the nerd back up, he turned back towards the camera, cleared his throat, and announced the second contestant: Dakota. The massive mutant monstrosity marched over to the platform and stood beside it, trying not to be too conspicuous, despite the fact that, y'know, she's like, twenty feet tall.

"Noah, you're up third!" The snark knight promptly took his place on the stage, only to trip over his own feet, landing on top of Cody and sending them both sprawling to the floor, Noah on top of Cody. This, ironically, caused Izzy to have a bit of a nosebleed; a much different kind, of course. She was into that kind of stuff.

"Izzy, you have some weird interests," Chris noted, as the psycho red-head simply cackled.

"Bridgette, come take your place!" The surfer chick proudly walked up to the platform, almost lost her balance, but was caught by Chris, who really didn't want any more blood on his brand-new stage.

"Izzy, number five!" Izzy, still trying to wipe the blood from her nasal area, cartwheeled up to the stage.

"Give it up for B!" The genius inventor calmly took his place on stage. "Got any words for the audience?" B frowned at Chris and rolled his eyes.

"Well, in that case, Zoey, it's your time!" Zoey happily walked up on stage, though she shot a quick, nervous glance at the two nerds extraordinaire, who at this point had given up on untangling themselves and just kept lying on the floor.

"Dawn, this could be your lucky break! Get it? Lucky break of Dawn? Ha-ha!" Nobody laughed at the awful pun. "Oh, you campers have no sense of humor!" Dawn tried to fit herself on the stage, but decided to just stay at the bottom after Cody finally got Noah off of him, only for Noah to hit the back of Bridgette's legs, causing her to fall as well.

"I think I'm better off down here," Dawn told Chris.

"Whatever floats your boat," Chris replied, returning to see the final spot on his list. "And the final member of the first team! He's mean, he's lean, he's been cheated out of the million before, and he's one of the original 22!"

Duncan grinned as he began to step up towards the platform, only for Chris to instead announce, "Ezekiel! Take your place, boy!"

Instantly, a shadow leaped out of the bus, which most of the contestants had presumed empty, and landed on the platform's edge, where he started howling at the moon.

Duncan looked stunned for a second, but he quickly backed off and tried his best to keep looking confident.

"Chris, may I ask, where was Ezekiel that whole time?" Chef asked nervously.

"Oh, he was already on the bus when you started driving it," Chris explained. "He followed us when we went back to the island to pick up those two annoying interns we accidentally left behind last year. I saw him and thought, 'Hey, why not? He could make a cool contestant!'"

Chef, still in shock over the fact that this feral monstrosity had been present the whole drive, wordlessly walked away.

"Um, Chris?" Cameron interrupted. "I don't mean to interrupt, but… You do know that now the second team will have more contestants than the first, right?"

"Nope! Wrong!" Chris cheerfully announced. "The second team will have the same number of members as the first! Speaking of which, we can't keep calling you "The first team" forever. Let's get down to naming you!"

"How about the Nosebleeders? Noah snidely suggested, having finally managed to regain a standing position. "Or – I know – the Fall Down Boys! We make a pop culture reference and we're telling the truth!"

"Or the Broken Bones?" Cody called out, still lying on the floor in pain.

"Sorry, but I've already come up with your team name: the Notags!" His announcement was met by a large amount of applause, if you count Scott's idle whistling and Zeke's happy dog sounds as "applause."

"Uh… no offense, Chris, but I don't understand what that is, exactly," Owen noted. All the other contestants nodded in agreement, just as confused as he.

"It's a pun, guys!" Chris called out. "C'mon, don't you get it? It's… oh, never mind!"

"Should've introduced the protags first, Chris," Dawn replied, having stooped over to pet Zeke.

"How can you pet that... thing?" Noah asked, pointing at the slobber Zeke was emitting.

"I think he's kind of cute," Dawn replied, scratching Zeke in between the ears. Zeke licked her in happiness. B shrugged in bemusement.

"Zawn, Nody, this season is going to be full of fun new ships!" Izzy cackled loudly as Bridgette shook her head.

"You act as though Nody is a new ship," the Internet-savvy Cody said, brushing himself off from the dust as he finally got up.

"Hey now, I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure Dawn and Ezekiel aren't going out," Bridgette noted.

Dakota nodded in agreement. "MONSTER BOY NOT PSYCHIC GIRL'S TYPE."

Chris cleared his throat very loudly multiple times in an attempt to get everyone to stop talking. When that didn't work, he pulled out his megaphone and shouted, "Everybody shut your traps!" When everybody continued to ignore him, he added, "The next person to interrupt me will be eating Chef's food today instead of the almost decent meal I ordered for you!" Everyone immediately fell quiet.

"Now, if everybody is done talking over top of me, we can get to announcing the members of the next team! Heather, you're the first up!"

The manipulative, villainous, and somehow still wildly popular girl smirked and stepped up on stage. "Chris," she began, "if you don't mind, my tastes aren't exactly-"

"No time for snide remarks right now, Heather!" Chris interrupted. "I've gotta get this show on the road before 6:00 AM!"

"It's SIX? In the MORNING?!" Duncan shouted angrily.

"Blah blah, introductions introductions, Mike, you'll be the second member of team protags!" Formerly known as multiple-personality Mike, the shy but nice guy carefully walked up onto stage, casting a worried glance at Zoey on the other team.

"And number three, Cameron!" The kid genius nervously took his place.

"Fourth is Gwen!" The not-so-perky Goth sleepily walked up on stage. Chris leaned over to her.

"You know, in Japanese culture, four is considered bad luck!" he commented gleefully. Gwen ignored him and sat down on the side of the platform, resting her head in her hands as she tried to get sleep.

"The fifth contestant is going to be… Scott!" The poor farmboy pumped his fists and walked up on stage to join his fellow teammates.

"Everyone's favorite sexy contestant is now a six-y contestant! Alejandro, you're next!"

Alejandro groaned at Chris' god-awful pun as he marched onto the platform, hoping that the puns were just a mood Chris was in for the opening and not a season-spanning thing.

"And it looks like Sierra will be our seventh contestant!" Chris announced, watching as the fangirl slowly stumbled on stage.

"But… But Chris, I have to be on the same team as my Codykins! It has to happen, it HAS to!"

"Sierra, calm yourself," Alejandro said, stepping closer and making a large smile on his face. "You are in good hands now."

"Are you trying to hit on me?" Sierra asked, angrily pushing Alejandro to the floor. "Cody's the only one for me!"

"Good thing you're on this team, right, Cody?" Noah whispered, elbowing Cody in the ribs. Cody nodded, breathing a sigh of relief, though on the inside he did feel a little bad for the ascended fangirl.

"Number eight will be our master of optimism, Owen!" The most overweight and yet most fun-loving of the contestants ran up on the platform.

The stage was very crowded at this point, and it didn't look like anybody else could fit on it. Disregarding this minor detail, Chris called the final contestant up to the stage. "Now for the final member! Courtney, it's your time to shine!"

The attorney-to-be smirked and tried to get up on the stage, only to be blocked off by everybody else, who had already taken all the space on the stage.

"Sorry, Courtney, but I guess you'll have to stay down there!" Mike called out apologetically. Courtney, who had taken it as sarcasm instead of sincerity, growled as she leaned onto the sides of the stage.

"Say hello to team protags!" Chris called out. Half the contestants, finally understanding the "protags/notags" pun, nodded. The other half just grunted.

"Dawn was right, I should've said team protags first…" Chris muttered to himself.

"Uh, Chris? This is all fine and dandy and all, but, well, I didn't get kidnapped at five in the morning for nothing. Which team am I on?" Duncan protested.

"Duncan, Duncan, Duncan! I thought you said you didn't want to be in this season!" Chris retorted.

"Chris," Duncan said, taking a very large step towards the host, "I do not want to get up here, see everybody else get a team, and then get shipped back to the prison. Put. Me. On a. Team."

"If you insist," Chris said giddily, and Duncan looked satisfied for a while. "Duncan, do you remember what I told you last season?"

"What are you talking about, Chris?" Duncan retorted.

"I gave you a very important hint about the next All-Stars season. And as you know, I'm never a person to go back on my word 35% of the time."

Duncan's face slowly fell as the realization dawned on him. "N-no, you can't be…"

"This season, we'll be bringing back a much-loved mechanic of season three: having three teams! And our third team, as some of you may remember from the hint I gave in All-Stars, my favorite team of any season yet; Team Even Bigger Sweethearts!"

Duncan walked over to the middle of the two stages, a dumbfounded look crossing his face.

"Now that all of the teams are present," Chris began, walking over in front of the three teams, "I'll explain the rules to you! As you all should have noticed – but probably didn't, given how stupid you teens are, ha-ha – we're back on the set previously used in Total Drama Action. In the original Total Drama Action, we used the challenges to lampoon popular movies and movie genres! This time, however, we'll be doing something a bit different; making fun of all the cruddy daytime television this world has to offer! Who watches this stuff anyway? Like, seriously, if you're watching this right now, go take a walk or something, you loser."

"Great way to drop ratings, Chris," Noah deadpanned.

"Keep quiet, you!" Chris shouted back. "Now, all of the contestants will be dismissed to their cabins, where they will unpack and get themselves settled, then they will have a chance to use the confessional to tell us all about their thoughts concerning this season! Contestants, you are now officially dismissed!"

"Wow, what an improvement over our previous accommodations. Chris must've really splurged this year," Noah deadpanned as it became clear that the trailers they were using this season were likely the same trailers from Action, having been left uncleansed and fallen into a state of disrepair.

"I wonder if my lucky gum is still here?" Izzy shouted, running into the trailer for the Notags and coming back out with a triumphant look on her face. "Ralph was still stuck right to the bed where I laid him!"

Noah and Cody looked at each other in disgust and shook their heads.

"Hey, where am I supposed to sleep? Is there a third trailer somewhere?" Duncan snarled, trying (and failing) to keep up his ominous image.

"You, my friend," Chris announced, walking up towards the cabins whilst lugging the camera, "are going to be sleeping on the ground! You should be used to being treated like that anyway, considering your criminal history."

"Chris," Duncan threatened, stepping up to the host, "there are no interns around to help you, Chef's gone to go put roadkill-on-a-stick on the grill, and, well, let's just say I don't think Dakota's going to stop me from _breaking every bone in your wimpy body._"

"Dude, it was a joke!" Chris said. "I'd put my hands up defensively, but you're too big of a sweetheart to hit me, now, aren't you?" Duncan growled through his teeth, but backed off a bit. "You'll be sleeping with the Notags, since they have less of a chance of winning anyway."

"I'd take offense, but it's the truth," Dawn noted.

"All right, get yourselves all settled in and then march yourself on over to the confessionals, where you'll be able to tell the audience what you feel about the new season," Chris ordered, and everybody turned slowly towards their cabins. "Also, just a warning: I've heard rumors that there could be a tragedy in a nearby town. The government is covering it up, but we'll need to be careful to ensure we don't get like, I don't know, infected by zombies or something. Ah, I've ranted too long! Go, now! To your cabins!"

Everybody completely ignored Chris' oddly specific warning, assuming he was setting up a challenge or trying to scare them or something. The campers stood still and looked at each other for a while, silently thinking, "_Who'll be the idiot that walks into the cabin first and gets surprised?"_ After all, they could always expect Chris to have some sort of stupid surprise stashed somewhere sideways up his sleeve.

"I'll bunk with anybody!" Owen shouted, breaking the tension by running into the Protags cabin and throwing his stuff on the top of the first bunk he saw. Everybody looked at each other, then shrugged and decided to go on to their designated cabin.

In the Protags cabin, Mike and Cameron instantly got a bunk together, but everybody else seemed to have a hard time finding bunkmates. Ultimately, Sierra and Heather were forced into the same bunk, and Courtney and a still-gloomy Gwen got a bunk together.

"Glad to be back for another season, everybody?" Courtney asked, but nobody responded. Courtney simply huffed and rolled over.

Meanwhile, Scott and Alejandro were still fighting over who had to bunk with Owen.

"Scott, it is within both our best interests for you to bunk with Owen," Alejandro noted. "I have found myself talking in my sleep an abnormal amount of times, and I snore. You will get better sleep with El Gordo."

"Well, first of all, his name is Owen, not El Guacamole or whatever you just said," Scott replied, prompting an eye roll from Alejandro, "and secondly, I still don't see why we can't just leave Owen alone and share a bunk."

"Ah, but-" Alejandro began, but Scott cut him off.

"Look, you can either bunk with me or Owen, but you're not calling the shots around here this season," Scott responded, hoping up into the bed. "You've played the game twice now, you can't fool us. We know all your tricks."

Alejandro started to say something, but then he sighed and climbed up into the top bunk above Scott.

* * *

Meanwhile, the Notags cabin had a far easier time organizing their sleeping arrangements. Dakota was much too tall to fit inside the cabin, and Ezekiel required a bunk to himself for "reasons," leaving four bunks for the other eight contestants. Zoey and Dawn, while not exactly huge friends, knew each other from their debut season and came to a quick agreement, and Bridgette and Izzy reached a similar compromise. Meanwhile, B and Duncan, who were able to tolerate each other a bit more than you'd expect, wordlessly agreed to be bunkmates for the season, leaving Noah and Cody the final bunk, much to their dismay (and every fangirls' joy)

"See? I told you those two were meant to be together!" Izzy cackled in her usual way, prompting a gulp from Cody and an audible facepalm from Noah.

* * *

"All right, contestants!" Chris' voice boomed from a megaphone outside.

"_Somebody_ needs to revoke his megaphone privileges," Heather groaned, rubbing her pained ears.

"Now that we're all settled in, it's confessional time! And we'll be going in alphabetical order, to ensure diplomacy! In other words, Al! You're up first!"

"Don't. Call. Me. Al," Alejandro retorted as he stormed out of the cabin.

* * *

**Alejandro**: "After being cheated out of the million in World Tour and All-Stars, I figure a little karma is due to me. But despite my best efforts, I was unable to convince Scott to bunk with Owen. Now, I know what you're thinking. 'Oh, but Alejandro! Why did your sexiness wish for Scott to be tortured like that?' Well, I know this sounds crazy, but Scott is a real threat, whether anybody knows it or not. There must be a reason he was able to take 4th his first season and 3rd last season despite appearing a buffoon on the outside, and the only conclusion is that he's really a genius. He just wants everybody to _think_ he is a loser, and when the merge comes, BAM! He'll reveal his true genius and take the million! And now, only I know the truth! I must outwit him and come out on top in this battle of wits!"

* * *

**B**: (shrugs in a way as to say, "You expected me to say something?")

* * *

**Bridgette**: "Well, uh, hey. I'm personally pretty pumped to be back for another season, though I am just a bit salty Chris put me on the Notags team. I mean, I was in all three original seasons, and I co-hosted the Aftermath segments! That's gotta count for something, right?"

"Oh well, I guess I'm just glad I have one more chance at a cool million. Imagine how many animals could be rescued if that money went to charity? A lot! Of course, I would have to keep some for myself, just in case, you know…"

* * *

**Cameron**: You know, it really is amazing. The first time I was on Total Drama, I was a wimpy bubble boy who didn't know much at all about the outside world. Now, well, I'm still pretty wimpy, but I've also gotten a whole lot of new experiences, and I'm now a contestant on the world's third biggest reality show dealing with teenagers being voted off on a stranded island! Which is an oddly specific distinction, now that I think about it…"

"Anyway, I don't actually expect to win this season, since the previous winners tend to be top candidates for votes near the end, but I may as well put in an effort, right? I definitely don't want to be the first out, that's for sure!"

* * *

**Cody**: "Hey, there! It's me, the famed Casanova Cody! I'm all ready and roaring to come back for another season – and after all, I think I deserve to at least get pretty far (and maybe get a girlfriend finally). I mean, I could definitely win the million in a popularity contest, because, let's face it, some of these guys made real idiots out of themselves on TV. (Cody slips and falls out of his chair and faceplants onto the ground) Um… Chris? I can have a second chance, right? You'll cut this footage, right? RIGHT?!"

* * *

**Courtney**: "Pfht! The nerve of some of these people is astounding! Look, I'm sorry for what happened last season, okay? But! All I did was draw a diagram! Heather kissed Trent behind Gwen's back, and let's not even _begin_ to talk about what Duncan did. I mean, I don't see anybody giving those two any dirty looks, or at least not like they're giving me!"

"I guess I should just be thankful I did get to come back for another season, but there's no way I'll ever get anywhere if nobody trusts me! I guess I'll just have to restore their confidence in me, now, won't I…"

* * *

**Dakota**: (Dakota is peering in the open confessional door, her head obstructing all other objects behind it)"HI. ME DAKOTA. I FILM THIS FROM OUTSIDE CONFESSIONAL BECAUSE I TOO BIG FOR CONFESSIONAL. I WANT MILLION SO I CAN FIX MUTATION AND BUY SAM NEW GAME. THAT ALL."

* * *

**Dawn**: "Hmm… I'm glad to be back for a second season, and in all honesty, I should be using my time here to get my revenge on Scott, but… for some reason, I absolutely feel like I need to comfort him, not make him worse off than he already is. There's just something about his aura right now that's bothering me, and I need to investigate what it is soon…"

"Anyway, I think I can do well this season now that I don't have any traitors on my team. I still don't know why I let Scott get away with his sabotage last season, but I could've sworn the votes were in my favor before voting! Someone must've changed their vote on the fly, and while I don't know who it actually was, I can assure you I will find out this season. I'm not really a vengeful person, but I do want to confront them about it, even if it means they aren't in this season and I have to actually find them. It's a hard task, but I feel like there was something bigger going on there…"

**Duncan**: "I cannot believe the guts Chris McLean has to just yank me out from prison and not even bother to wake me up! I mean, I guess being back here beats staying in there, but I really don't want to have to deal with Chris' ugly face for yet another season. I already won once, isn't that enough for me? Can't I just leave now?"

"Now, I'm actually pretty glad about rolling solo this season, because I won't get kicked to the curb just because I'm on the same team as Gwen and Courtney or something. And hey, you know what they say: If you want something done right, do it yourself, eh?"

* * *

**Ezekiel**: (Barks and howls at the screen, then looks around a bit and crawls back out of the confessional)

* * *

**Gwen**:"Look, let's make no pretenses this season. I'm here, I've played this game four times before, and I haven't won anything any of those times. So, I'm going to win this time. Simple as that, boom, headshot, checkmate, whatever, goodbye."

* * *

**Heather**: "These seasons just keep getting worse and worse. Have the Action grounds even been walked on since the last season we were here? I'd ask if Chris was trying to kill us, but considering he put us in a deathtrap plane and a radioactive island, I'm more than likely going to have to answer "yes." It doesn't matter, though. I'll just keep playing everyone like a flute, or bassoon, or saxophone, or whatever you band nerds play, and I think the million will be mine yet again. AND MAYBE THIS TIME, I CAN KEEP THE MILLION!"

* * *

**Izzy**:"Hi there! As you all know, I'm Izzy, formerly known as Explosivo, formerly known as… uh… a bunch of other names also! But we can completely disregard those names now, because Izzy is playing just for Izzy now, whoo-hoo! So, I'll just play this season like I always do, except I'll actually try to win challenges – it's so weird, but that apparently helps you not get voted off! – and I'll win! Izzy out, peace!"

* * *

**Mike**: "Hey, world, it's me, Mike! I'm so glad Chris really did decide to let me be a contestant again this season – after Brick declined so he could go into his second year of fashion school and Sam declines because he broke almost all of his bones falling down a mountain after being chased by Dakota's dog during a visit, poor guy – oops, didn't mean to rant there – but yeah, I'm so glad Chris let me come back after an indeterminate amount of people declined to! Maybe I can finally go a full season and still be in control of my body the whole time, right? That's not too much to ask for, right? Right?"

"I do feel sorry for Zoey, though. I mean, she's separated from all her friends and nobody over there really knows her! I really hope she isn't voted out quickly. I mean, I don't want to talk all day about her, but-"

"He did," Chris sighed dramatically, suddenly popping up over Mike's footage. "We had to cut seven minutes of him talking about this crap. SEVEN. MINUTES. Just be glad we care about our viewers enough to cut that stuff from the episode."

A very loud scream suddenly blared from a nearby screen, prompting Chris to reach over and pause the footage. "Whoops, consider that a 'sneak peak' for the next episode. Heh… hehe…"

* * *

**Noah**:"Sheesh, what did Mike say in here that took so long, his whole life story and the text of _The Great Gatsby_ in its entirety? That was a reference to something – not that any of the numskulls here would know. Let's make this quick and simple – I'm here to win, I'm _going_ to win, I think I've got the perfectly mixed team of good teammates and jobbers we can kick early when we lose, and I can easily rope Cody and maybe some others into an alliance. Really, this season is going to be simple. All right, that's all, goodbye, blah blah. See, Mike, it's not that hard to do a thirty second confessional!"

* * *

**Owen**:"Haha, whoo, it's so great to be back! I had to take a break from All-Stars and, well, that might've been a good thing, given the final episode… But anyway, man, I never really realized how much I missed this show! I don't think I need to focus on winning, though – I've already won a season anyway, and I think someone else deserves a shot at the million. But hey, you never know what can happen! Uh… I can't really think of anything else! Um, bye!"

* * *

**Scott**:"Hmph. Well, isn't this season just swell? Al is trying to convince me to sleep under Owen, Courtney keeps trying to make me pay attention to her (and maybe I will if she asks long enough…) and of course, the moonchild weirdo girl is back. I guess I should be glad she's not on my team, at least… but that also means I can't get her voted out early. Something about her just strikes me the wrong way…"

"Ah well, I feel pretty good about this season. If my trend continues, I'll at least get 2nd this year… but maybe I could string along someone who I could easily beat in the finale… or who would let me win… maybe, just maybe, allying with Courtney would work out in the end…"

* * *

**Sierra**: "Hmph! I can't believe the nerves of Chris! Not even putting me and Cody on the same team – why must you taunt me, Chris? Besides, Cody did a lot in World Tour! He only lost because _somebody_ was a DIRTY CHEATER! And another thing, I-"

"Ugh, BOO-RING!" Everyone's least favorite host with the most interrupted yet another confessional. "All this, 'Chris sucks!' and, 'Chris isn't as cool as he thinks he is!' and, 'Chris pays us less than half of minimum wage!' really gets old after a while, don't you think? Besides," Chris said, giving his trademark evil laugh, "I'm sure you'll all be hearing quite a bit about how awful of a person I am this season anyway."

* * *

**Zoey**: "Oh, no… I tried not to let it show in front of the rest of my team, but I'm really afraid that I'll be competing against Mike and Cameron. I always leaned on them for support in the past two seasons, and now… Hopefully someone will be nice enough to let me vent my problems to them, because UGH! I know people will eventually see this, but it's still just a one-way conversation! I'm not getting any feedback! I just really hope my team won't see me as a weak link and vote me out soon, because I really want to go far again…"

* * *

"All right, campers!" Chris' voice boomed over the megaphone yet again. "Because you took like an hour to record your confessionals – Mike probably contributed _at least_ half of that, by the way-"

Mike laughed sheepishly and nervously scratched his neck.

"Anyway, we're not going to have as much time for preparations as I wanted, so just talk or whatever until Chef gets breakfast ready. If you can even call it breakfast… hahaha… Oh yeah, and whatever you do, don't leave your cabins. If you do, there _will_ be consequences."

Noah nodded, completely ignoring Chris' remark about the breakfast, and instead said, "All right, I know this might sound just a little bit crazy to some of you, but we need to go ahead and talk about it now, because knowing Chris, he's gonna increase drama by not letting us converse before the elimination ceremonies. So, we need to see who we'll vote out first."

Upon hearing the last sentence, Ezekiel gave a small whimper.

Cody grimaced for a second. "It won't be me, though, right?"

"As long as you don't royally screw up," Bridgette replied nonchalantly, scrubbing at her surfboard.

"Well said," Noah noted, smiling just a bit. "Now, I know this sounds a bit rude, but I think Dakota might be up on the chopping block. She's not able to compete in a lot of indoor challenges and stuff, and I think she might be a bit of a weak link."

* * *

**Noah**: "As hard as it is, I've appointed myself the leader of the team, and that means I can't be overly 'rude' to anyone. Well, not to their faces, anyway. I also am going to have to respect their opinion or there might just be a mutiny on my hands…"

* * *

"Actually, Dakota could be a real asset to our team," Dawn noted, looking up from her bed. "She has muscle that most of our members are unfortunately lacking, and while she may be useless in most indoor challenges, you just know Chris is going to try to give us as many sunburns to as many people as possible, and that means lots and lots of outdoor challenges."

Noah nodded briefly. "All right, good thinking, but that puts us back at square one."

"Just skip the formalities, do what we always do, and vote off the one that made you fail the challenge," Duncan interrupted, lying back in bed with a bored look on his face.

"Ah, but that's why this team was made, Duncan! See, you think you know how the game works because you've gotten so far so many times. But this team is made up of the people who never got the chances you did – we were booted off the team for making one mistake, one important misstep. And that's why this team exists. We're the team of second chances, not of harsh judgment. Right, team?"

Noah's speech was met with a short silence, then a glowing round of applause.

* * *

**Noah**: "You know, I could get used to this whole 'leader' thing. I can almost see why so many people want to be the boss now…"

* * *

**Duncan**: "I never did like that snarky know it all, but now it looks like he's actually playing the game to win… if he turns his team against me, who knows what could happen to me? As much as I hate it, I might just have to get him on my side…"

* * *

"Oh, Codykinz… you don't think they'd catch me if I snuck over to Cody's cabin, do you?" Sierra mumbled, mostly to herself.

"Uh, Sierra, you do know that this place is armed to the teeth with cameras, right?" Cameron responded.

"Bah, what "consequences" could there be anyway? Forcing me to eat Chef's food every day? Oh wait!" Sierra giggled.

"Consequences as in 'kick you off the show and not let you see Cody again this summer' consequences, maybe?" Gwen deadpanned.

Sierra lay quiet in her bed for a while afterwards.

"So, who are you guys going to vote out first and why is it Heather?" Mike finally asked, breaking the small moment of awkward silence.

"You know, it's possible that I've changed. Maybe I've seen the error of my ways and turned over a new leaf," Heather responded. Alejandro let out a very loud laugh, much to the queen bee's annoyance.

"Well, personally, I think Courtney should be on the top of our hit list," Scott began. "She's proved time and time again that we just cannot trust her, after all."

"Hmm… personally, I think you fair people aren't giving Courtney enough credit," Alejandro responded. "She was just under stress and wanted to win, that's all. Give her some slack. Besides… don't you think it's a little bit odd that Scott wanted her voted out immediately after we brought the topic up? Perhaps he has a reason, hmm? So how about it, Scott? Do you have any secrets you'd like to share with the rest of us?"

Scott immediately curled up into a protective ball position. "No, I- I have absolutely no secrets whatsoever! No personal bias or hidden agenda here, no sir!"

After a short silence, Owen spoke up. "Seems legit!" he happily said.

* * *

**Scott**: "Hmph. Who could have told Alejandro that I had a secret? It must've been Dawn… she must've been looking for ways to get revenge on me… and by reading my mind, she found out my secret… um, not that I have some big huge secret or anything! Honestly! It's just, maybe she, uh, saw something stupid and thought it was some big secret or something, because I certainly don't have any secrets to hide from anybody, no sir! None at all! No – you know what, I'll shut up now."

* * *

"Hey, do you guys know what would be really awesome?" Owen asked to the rest of the cabin.

"If you'd shut up for just one second?" Heather growled, throwing her pillow over her head to block the sound.

"If we won every challenge and didn't have to vote anybody on our team off!" Owen exclaimed, completely ignoring Heather's comment.

Immediately Mike's mind flashed to Zoey. "Uh… no! That… that wouldn't be awesome, since… well, the other team, the contestants on there haven't had time to shine and…"

"Oh, what are you, worried about your girlfriend?" Alejandro snarked. Heather fell out of her bed immediately afterward, and Alejandro screamed, "No, mi amor! Are you all right?"

* * *

**Alejandro**: "Nothing like a little pinch of hypocritical humor to make things more interesting, right?"

* * *

**Mike**: "Playing this game as myself for once is gonna be way harder than I thought it would… I can't bring myself to risk Zoey getting sent home, but I also can't bring myself to vote off one of my teammates… other than Heather… and Alejandro… and Scott… maybe this is easier than I thought…"

* * *

Suddenly, Chris' voice boomed out yet again. "All right, campers! We've finally managed to get your breakfast up and ready, so just come on down to the concessions hall and be grateful we got you some nice fresh pizza instead of whatever the heck Chef cooks for the beginning of the season! Just make sure to take the path directly to the concessions hall! No detours! Not even to use the potty! Got it? Good!"

The campers more or less begrudgingly pulled themselves out of bed, none particularly excited for the pizza Chef would be offering (except, of course, for Owen, who just couldn't wait to eat). There was a bit of doubt in the other campers' heads however, not just because they would soon be back to eating food that likely couldn't pass a food inspection, but also because the camp looked quite eerie today. The land was barren and looked devoid of the usual interns running willy-nilly about, and something about the surroundings sent a creep up many a camper's spine.

Noah, however, was not feeling the fear many of the other contestants had begun to feel. Slinking back towards Cody, he signaled his teammate to stop until the other few campers had passed them.

"What are you trying to do, egg on the fans?" Cody whispered in Noah's ear, slightly annoyed as he had been made fun of quite a lot in his hometown because of the shipping.

"Listen, I've been thinking, and I believe an alliance between us is a logical step. We're probably two of the only contestants here with triple-digit IQs – in fact, there might be some contestants that don't have double digit IQs - and we might be targets for the rest of our team. I think we need to work together and make an alliance, at least until the merge, so we don't end up getting screwed over yet again. Sound good?" Noah explained, walking at a slower pace than the others to make sure they didn't hear the plan.

Cody thought for a moment, and then shifted his eyebrow. "You know, I wouldn't question being in an alliance with you at all, but I was in both Island and World Tour. I know you're more of a lazy guy than you're pretending to be right now, and I feel like if I join this agreement, I might just end up a foot soldier doing your dirty deeds."

Noah grumbled. "I'll admit my shortcomings. I was lazy and unmotivated in the past seasons. But I've matured since then, and I've realized I need to be active if I don't want to be seen as a bum riding off other people's success. So, I'll make a promise to you: for every good deed you do me, I'll do you one. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours." Cody started to say something, but then Noah held up his hand. "And – to make sure I don't go back on my word, I even wrote up an agreement. Like a contract. I've already signed it, and if you agree, we'll officially be in an alliance – and if either of us breaks the agreement, well, the other one can show the rest of the campers. At the very least, none of the other campers will have the same amount of trust they used to have. So, is it a deal?"

Cody thought for a quick second – not much more time than that to think, as the campers were fast approaching the concessions hall – and, apparently having agreed to the guidelines, took the pen from Noah's outstretched hand and grabbed the crumpled paper as Noah pulled it out of his pocket, signing his name under Noah's, giving the know-it-all his pen back while keeping the paper for himself.

"Glad we reached an agreement," Noah noted, smiling confidently as the two stepped into the mess hall.

Once inside, they found the other campers seated and staring apprehensively at Chris, who was wearing his best slasher smile. "Sit down, and don't say a word. There is absolutely no need to talk right now." Cody and Noah glanced at each other wearily, but did as Chris said and sat down. Noticing Chef was absent from the room, they had a brief second of relief, as this only further hammered in the point that their first meal was going to be something more appetizing and nutritious than whatever Chef decided to run over with his car and bake in a malfunctioning oven.

Their brief enjoyment of the moment came to an abrupt end, however, when Chris began speaking and clasping his hands. "As you know, campers, Total Drama has always been a series striving for the best ratings on prime-time TV. But with all the other imitators and rip-offs that have popped up, Total Drama has been losing a fair lot of the viewers we once held a grip on. So! In an attempt to make the new season much more interesting for our lovely viewers, we've added a tiny bit of a twist to this season."

"Stop delaying it and get on with it already," Heather threatened.

Chris shrugged. "If you insist. In past seasons, our Total Drama contestants have been fighting for a large cash prize. But in this season, our chosen contestants will be fighting for their very life."

Right on cue, the large body of Chef Hatchet dropped from the ceiling, and the door suddenly bust down as a zombie looking creature slammed into the concessions hall. All of the contestants screamed as they ran to the back of the building, trying to run from the monstrosity that had emerged before them.

* * *

Chris yet again popped up in front of the screen and gave a cheerful wave. "Okay, so here's the lowdown," he began. "I may be willing to put our campers in some danger to bring up ratings, but I'm not really this evil. The campers have been fooled into thinking they will be fighting this zombie or whatever for their lives, but really, they're on the new season of Total Drama Reset, where we'll be lampooning all the various TV shows that have gained popularity in recent years. And of course, as you may have figured out, our first challenge will be a challenge based on the popular TV serial, The Rising Bread."

An intern's voice called out from the back. "Uhm, Chris, isn't the show's name The Wal-"

"No, we have to write around copyrights!" Chris interrupted. "Anyway, with one of our interns dressed up like a "walker," as the show calls it, and with us using Chef's actual dead body to scare the campers," he gave a brief, overly-dramatic and obviously fake look of shock towards the camera, "I'm joking, using a fake thingy that looks like Chef's dead body, we've scared the campers into running to save their hinnies. So if any of you have a family history of heart disease and were worried for your favorite contestant, don't worry; it's all in good fun. Although… our campers may not share the same opinion." He giggled maniacally.

"So! In the next episode of Total Drama, we'll be seeing our contestants work together or turn on each other (probably the latter option) in what they believe a life-or-death experience. Will they be able to survive this post-apocalyptic camp? Or will they stumble directly into the grasp of our fake walker (hehe, we got an actual intern named Walker to play him hehe)? Stay tuned to find out on our special two-part premiere of TOTAL… DRAMA… RESET!"

_**TO BE CONTiNUED...**_


	2. Out Of The Frying Pan

"AHHHHH!" came everyone's shriek as they ran from the badly-disguised intern walker.

"In there!" Courtney shouted, pointing to a random steel plated panic room.

Everyone fumbled through the steel plated doors one by one, with Courtney and Scott keeping the door open.

"C'mon, go faster!" Scott said as a few others rushed through the door.

"We only need Owen and Dakota!" Cameron announced after taking a quick count.

It was true. Owen was lagging behind, and Dakota was trying to move carefully in an effort to not destroy anything with her twenty-foot-tall form.

"Dakota!" yelled out Dawn. "You must help Owen!"

Dakota whipped her head back to see a walker intern catching up to Owen, the latter of which was just about ready to faint.

"DAKOTA NO LET PERSON GET EATEN," she announced, clenching her fists together. She gave a battle cry before sprinting forward and giving the walker intern a punch to the face.

"_Graaaah..._" the walker intern moaned, stumbling backwards before collapsing on the ground.

Dakota grabbed Owen's arm and got him running towards the direction of the panic room.

Cries of encouragement were heard from the others. "Come on guys!" "You can do it!" "Hurry!"

Owen huffed and heaved before trailing back. "Ugh, Dakota... I can't make it... Seen the light..."

"NO LIGHT FOR CONTESTANT," she said, starting a slow spin that quickly became rapid. After a few seconds, she hurled Owen straight towards the panic room door.

Everyone moved away just as Owen got through, slamming into the other side of the room, creating an Owen-shaped indent in the steel room's wall.

Dakota made it in a few seconds after the commotion, shutting the door, locking it shut.

Duncan started chuckling. "Oh ho, _man_ that was intense."

Gwen rolled her eyes. "If you like almost dying, then yeah, that was intense."

"Hey, a zombie apocalypse is the intensest thing ever," he countered.

"Walker," Cody automatically corrected.

Heather groaned. "You're telling me that Chris was _right_ about a zombie outbreak?!"

"Walker," Cody corrected automatically.

Heather got close to Cody's face and snarled, "Correct me _one more time_ and you're zombie food."

"Wal—" Cody stopped after seeing Heather's glare intensify. "Okay, okay!" he said, putting his hands up defensively.

Noah crossed his arms together. "Okay, startled reactions aside, I'm not buying this."

Owen gasped. "But but but, we almost died! And we might actually die the next time!" He pulled Noah in for a protective grasp/one heck of a bear hug.

"You're... squishing... my... sternum..." Noah gasped.

"Oops." Owen dropped him to the ground. "Sorry Noah."

"Yeah, yeah," Noah groaned, rubbing his head. Standing up, he added, "This is all fake. Just ask our resident crazy over here."

Izzy promptly jumped on Noah's shoulders, causing him to fall to the ground once more. "E-Scope knows only the fate of Martians on Pluto! Ha ha!"

"...Yeah, that was a _really_ poor description of somebody who's not Izzy," said Noah. "I meant Dawn."

Everyone's attention immediately shifted to the moonchild, whose expression was unreadable.

Noah quirked his eyebrows up. "Well?"

Dawn pursed her lips, then sighed. "That intern's aura was pure black."

"Which means...?"

"Pure black means _death_."

Everyone gasped.

Zoey instinctively clutched Mike's arm. "S-So, does that mean the outbreak is _real_?"

Dawn nodded sorrowfully. "Yes, it is. I'm sorry, but there's nothing we can do."

"Except survive," Courtney said. "I'd say we make a plan."

"How unexpected," Duncan quipped.

Courtney growled, clenching her hands into fists. After a moment, she forced herself to relax and avert the punk's gaze.

* * *

**Courtney**: That ogre just _has_ to one-up me even when we're in a life or death situation. (She growls)

* * *

"Now then, I say we should split up into our three teams and go from there."

Mike frowned, clutching Zoey's arm (with her arm still clutching his). "Do we _have_ to?"

Courtney nodded. "Yes, you have to. There's still a chance that this is all a trick played by Chris. Better to play it as if it were an actual challenge."

"That's kind of stupid, Courtney," Gwen said. "Dawn already told us that this was real."

"Excuse me if I don't necessarily believe in her aura reading shtick."

"Yeah, because the dead intern that was moving is _totally_ not proof enough."

Courtney fumed. "At least I can lead this group to survival! There's no one here more adept at leading in a zombie apocalypse!"

"Walker," Cody automatically corrected.

Courtney picked up Cody by the collar of his shirt, saying, "Just because you know the terminology limited to the show it comes from doesn't mean you have to repeatedly call it that!"

Cody whimpered slightly, saying, "I've actually played the game and read the comics also, so I kind of know how to survive this."

Courtney growled and turned back to the others, still holding Cody. "Who would you rather have for a leader? Me, or this scrawny wimp who can't tell reality from fiction?!"

Sierra gasped, then narrowed her eyes at the CIT. "Don't you talk to my Cody like that!"

The fanatic rushed up and snatched Cody away from Courtney, then set him down gently on the floor. "Whoever wants to be on the luscious Cody's team, stand next to him! Whoever wants to be on _Courtney's_ team, go to her!"

Gwen shrugged. "I'll go on Cody's."

Cody swooned. "Wow, thanks Gwen...!"

Sierra huffed, though she tried her best to mask it.

* * *

**Sierra**: Gwen better keep her paws off my Codykins! Oh sure, she doesn't _like like _him now, but you never know. So, what better option would there be besides... (She produces a pie chart detailing all the Gwen-ecentric shippings) Using the top currently not used pairing so there's no _chance_ of Gwody! Like, say... Gwameron, hee hee hee!

* * *

"Wha—" Courtney gasped, then started to growl. "Ooh, fine! Heather! Us Team Amazons have to stick together, right?"

Heather stuck her nose in the air. "Fine, but only because the loser is annoying."

"Nice to know I have such a loyal teammate," Courtney deadpanned as Heather walked over.

Alejandro followed after the queen bee, saying, "I must go where _mi amor_ goes."

Owen snatched up Noah and trotted to Cody's side. "Us buddies have gotta stick together!"

"Thanks for not giving me a choice in the matter, really appreciate it," Noah sighed.

"E-Scope goes wherever Big O goes!" Izzy cheered, cartwheeling to Cody's group.

Cameron shrugged. "There's safety in numbers."

"Agreed," Mike nodded, and the two of them walked over to Cody's group.

Zoey twiddled her fingers together. "I kind of trust Cody to help us survive more..." She gave an apologetic shrug at Courtney's direction before following Cameron and Mike. "Sorry."

Courtney fumed and crossed her arms together in a huff. "Isn't anyone else going to be on my team?!"

Ezekiel howled, running on all fours in Courtney's direction.

"Anyone _besides_ Ezekiel?"

"I'm with ya," Scott said, walking towards Courtney's group.

Courtney's stance became more relaxed. "Better, but I can't really lead three—"

Ezekiel howled.

"_Four_ people."

"How about five?" Bridgette said, walking towards Courtney's group. "I can't just leave a fellow Killer Bass hanging."

"Thanks Bridgette," Courtney smiled. She turned to the remaining four (though she tried blocking Duncan from her mind). "Anyone else?"

Dakota shook her head. "TOO MANY MEANIES." With two long strides, she made her way to Cody's group.

B scratched his chin as he made an effort to decide. He stopped, then tapped the meditating Dawn's shoulder.

She cracked one eye open. "You would like to know which team you should go on?"

B nodded.

"Cody's team would probably be your best choice, though you should follow Courtney's plan in that you separate into your teams." The moonchild closed her eyes, but still continued speaking. "The future is still murky, though I am positive that what I said will help."

Scott snorted. "Yeah, help us _die_."

Dawn opened her eye once more, intrigued and slightly confused. "How is that relevant?"

"Because shut up."

Dawn hummed, shaking her head and closing her eyes once more. "And to think that Fang attack changed your demeanor, if only for a little while. Though there _has_ been what happened prior to then."

Scott's eyes widened, then narrowed into a glare. He leaned in for mutual eye contact (as much eye contact that could be made when the other's eyes were closed, at any rate.) "Listen here Moonbeam, you don't know _anything_ about me."

"Get mad at her later!" Courtney snapped. "Come back over here so we can figure out a way to survive this thing!"

With a huff, Scott reluctantly moved away, lingering for a moment for him to say, "This isn't over," before walking towards Courtney's group.

* * *

**Dawn**: Of course it isn't. For him, I mean. I sense something horrid approaching Scott's aura, and it will not relent until Scott does something about it and faces his past.

* * *

Duncan quirked an eyebrow up. "Hey Princess, you can't just forget about me."

"Watch me," she replied simply and led her little group to the other side of the panic room.

Duncan gave a humph. "Fine, I'll just be on the losers' team."

Izzy saluted at Cody. "What are your orders, Admiral Wolverine Lightningbolt?"

Cody blinked. "Uhm, that's kind of not my name."

"Of course it is, Admiral Wolverine Lightningbolt! What are your orders, Admiral Wolverine Lightningbolt?"

Cody groaned.

Noah crossed his arms together, an action harder than it should've been since Owen still held the bookworm. "It'll be easier if you just play along."

"Okay," Cody said, and puffed his chest out, attempting a might stance. "Alright Izzy, I order you to—"

"Izzy follows no one!" With that, she cartwheeled away.

Cody groaned once more. "Okay, okay. I'd say we should—"

"ME THINKS EVERYONE CONTRIBUTES," Dakota said.

"That's kind of what I want you guys to do," Cody said. "Okay, Gwen, you go—"

"Maybe we should find out how many zom–_walkers _there are," Zoey said, then gasped. "Oh, did I interrupt you? Sorry!"

"It's fine. So anyways, Gwen, you—"

Sierra suddenly snatched Cody closer to her. "Heeeey Cody, what do you want me to do?"

"I'll get to you in a minute."

"No, you'll get to me now!"

"I–ugh, fine. Sierra, you check outside to see how many—"

"Uhm, Cody?" Owen asked, sheepishly holding his free hand up.

Cody sighed. "Yes, Owen?"

"I kind of need to go to the bathroom."

Noah smirked. "Maybe you should've thought of that before getting chased by a walker."

"But I didn't have to _go_ then!"

Cody waved his hands in the air. "Everyone, _PLEASE_!" Once everyone was silenced, Cody composed himself. "Okay, now then—"

Izzy popped up hanging above Cody. "Admiral Wolverine Lightningbolt, what is your command?"

"_THERE'S NOTHING NORMAL AROUND HERE,_" the frustrated Cody cried, throwing his arms in the air.

"Welcome to Saneville," Noah quipped. "Population: two."

B tapped the ground with his foot a few times to get the nerds' attentions, then crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay, three," Noah corrected, then turned back to Cody. "You can't really lead these guys unless you get them to want to be led."

"Gee, I haven't thought of that," Cody groaned.

Cameron raised his hand halfway. "If I may make a suggestion?"

"Shoot."

"I say that we should follow Dawn's words and split up into our actual teams. It might get us working more efficiently."

Cody beamed. "Good idea, Cameron! Okay, I'll be leading my team; Noah, B, Izzy, Zoey, and Dakota, over here. Sierra, Owen, Mike, and Cameron, follow Gwen. Duncan, do whatever."

Duncan smirked. "Oh, I've been waiting for someone to say that all morning."

Zoey frowned. "Do we have to?"

Mike gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "It won't be for long, Zoey."

She nodded. "Alright..." Hesitantly, she parted with Mike, heading over to the Notags.

* * *

**Zoey**: Man, it really stinks being on a different team than Mike and Cam. The only friend I have on my team is Dakota, which kind of stinks. (She pauses before gasping) I mean it stinks that I only have one of my friends on my team, not that Dakota stinks!

* * *

(Gwen's group: The Protags)

Sierra huffed. "Why do _you_ have to be leader?"

The goth girl shrugged. "Blame Cody. But anyway, I say we patrol outside and check out the situation. Any volunteers?" When no one volunteered, she continued. "Actually, scratch that. Mike, you go."

"What? Why me?" he asked.

"Cameron and Owen aren't fit enough to escape a walker and I'm kind of worried about what Sierra has planned.

Hearing her name, Sierra put the voodoo Gwen doll she somehow obtained behind her back, whistling innocently.

"Go patrol outside of the panic room and see how many walkers are around," Gwen said. "You should be safe with all of your powers and all."

Mike nodded. "You're right. Okay, I'll go." He started towards the door, saying to his group, "I'll be back in about ten minutes!"

Once he left, Gwen turned to the other three. "Cameron, since you're pretty much the brains, I want you to think of strategies we can use to help us survive.

Sierra popped up between the two, having a wide smile. "Heeeey, maybe Cameron should stay with _you_!"

"Uh, no? I'm going to check on Duncan and make sure he doesn't do anything that could kill us." Before she could walk away, she turned to Owen. "Owen, provide the moral support. Do the same, Sierra."

Gwen walked away, causing Sierra to huff in annoyance.

* * *

**Sierra**: Operation Gwameron started off badly, but I'm sure I can get those two together!

* * *

"Uh, Sierra?" Cameron asked. "Why are you so mad?"

"It's nothing!" she said defensively, stomping her foot. "Totally nothing!"

"Hey, come on!" Owen said. "We gotta provide the moral support, and by Canada's honorable name, that's what we're gonna do!"

"Yeah, yeah," she muttered.

Cameron gave a quizzical look.

* * *

**Cameron**: There's something wrong with Sierra. I mean, she actually gotten better since the last time I saw her, since she actually knows I'm _Cameron_ now, but still.

* * *

"This isn't working, I call a mutiny," Heather said from Courtney's group.

"Wha—_No!_" Courtney fumed. "You can't just call a mutiny when we haven't even done anything!"

"Can, have, and did," she smirked.

"_IT HASN'T EVEN BEEN FIVE MINUTES!_"

"Five minutes too many. Come on Alejandro, we're leaving." She started walking away.

"As you wish, _mi amor_," the Spaniard bowed, following his object of affection.

* * *

**Heather**: Ha, Lover Boy's still a lovesick puppy. (She laughs) This is perfect. He's too distracted by me to actually pose a threat. That means I can crush him like the fool he is!

**Alejandro**: It is very nice to pretend to bow to Heather's every whim. It gives her a false sense of security... and it has the added benefit of being with _mi precioso_.

* * *

Courtney groaned, burying her face into her hands as she slumped to the ground.

Bridgette gave a consoling pat to Courtney's shoulder, sitting next to her. "Don't worry, Courtney. Scott and I are still with you."

Ezekiel howled.

"And Ezekiel," she added. "We'll follow your orders. Right, Scott?" She turned to the farm boy.

Scott scoffed, but still shrugged in agreement. "Yeah, I guess."

* * *

**Scott**: I'm still mad at Courtney for giving me a_ tail_. (He crosses his arms together) But I kind of _do_ wanna survive this.

* * *

"Thanks guys," Courtney said, smiling slightly. She stood back up and adopted a more determined stance. "Alright, I say the four of us go outside and find some food. Then we can go from there."

Bridgette nodded, then put her hand out. "Let's go, team!"

Ezekiel gave a vigorous nod and put his foot in the hand pile start by Bridgette. Scott shrugged and put his hand down as well.

The surfer gave Courtney an expectant look until Courtney finally conceded. "Ugh, fine," Courtney sighed, put a tentative hand atop Scott's. After throwing their hands up in a half-hearted team cheer, Courtney said, "Let's get going now, alright?"

* * *

**Courtney**: I _really_ hate team cheers. The leader should be the one to lead the team, not have everyone lead themselves! What good would a leader even _be_, then?

* * *

(Cody's Group: Team Notags)

"Uhm..." Cody started tapping his chin, desperately trying to come up with something to say.

Noah put a hand to his side, giving Cody an unamused look. "You don't know how to lead this team, do you?"

"Of course I do!" he said, too quickly and too defensively. "I just don't know what we should do."

"Which is the same as not knowing how to lead this team."

"At least I'm trying to get something done."

Noah scoffed. "I'll bet. If this is anything like the show, we're going to be stuck doing nothing for at least five episodes."

"Hey, come on guys," Zoey said. "I'm sure if we work together, we can survive this."

"DAKOTA AGREES," said Dakota, her tail swishing to the side.

Izzy held Dakota's tail as if it were an amusement park ride. "Whoo! Alright, keep swishing!"

"Izzy won't be any help," Noah said to B and Zoey. "Cody can't lead, and Dakota's too busy entertaining Izzy. So it's up to us, you two."

B made a shrugging gesture that more or less asked, _'What do you suppose we do?'_

"If we want to stop these walkers, we should face them head-on," the bookworm said. "Thing is, our goal is to just [i]survive[/i]. I say we follow one of the other two groups and see where that gets us."

Cody pouted. "Hey, I want to help too."

"Fine," Noah said. "Help us be a monkey shield in case we get devoured by walkers."

"Uhm, Noah?" Zoey piped up. "Didn't you just say our goal is to survive? I don't think making Cody a scapegoat is productive."

B nodded in agreement.

"I was _kidding_," the bookworm clarified.

Izzy took a break from riding on Dakota's tail to say, "You're so stoic, no one can tell if you're kidding about something like nuking Poland! Back to the tail, whee!" Of course, she went back to the tail almost immediately.

"Ugh," Noah groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Alright, alright, let's just go and follow a group like we planned."

B and Cody nodded. Zoey did too, though she gave a forlorn look off to the side.

* * *

**Zoey**: Oh, I hope Mike and Cam are doing alright... I'm not sure if I can get through this without them."

* * *

(Courtney's Group: Bridgette, Scott, Ezekiel, and Courtney)

The panic room door creaked open, revealing the heads of the four current members of Courtney's group. The CIT looked outside, and when she saw no walkers, she motioned for the others to walk outside.

And so they snuck, wary of anything and everything.

"And where exactly are we headin'?" Scott asked. "I don't wanna get eaten alive while trying to find something to eat."

"Courtney has a plan," Bridgette lightly chided, then turned to the CIT. "Don't you?"

"Of course I do," Courtney said. "A CIT can't become a CIT unless they can make plans."

"Then what is it?" Scott sneered.

"We find out where Chris's private room is," she said, leading her group behind a large support beam. "He must have plenty to eat in there."

Ezekiel whimpered, clawing at the support beam.

"Ezekiel, stop, you'll attract the walkers," Courtney scolded in a hushed whisper.

Ezekiel didn't relent. Rather, he was somehow able to start climbing the beam.

Scott shrugged. "Eh, better three than four."

Bridgette glared daggers at the farmboy. "Better _four than three_. We can't just let Zeke climb up that thing, he could get really hurt!"

"If you're so worried about him, then _you_ go get him."

"I—Fine! I will!"

* * *

**Bridgette**: Ezekiel's like a puppy. You have to keep constant watch on him, or else things go bad.

* * *

"Bridgette, don't," Courtney commanded as Bridgette prepared to climb. "We can afford to leave him behind."

"No we... can't?" Bridgette started, but trailed off after seeing what Ezekiel was doing. "What is he..."

"GAH!" came a guy's shriek as both him and Ezekiel fell to the ground.

Courtney started, "Is that—"

"MIKE!"

Everyone's attention turned to the inconspicious bush behind Courtney's group (which was actually conspicious given that they were in a film lot). There, Zoey's upper half was seen.

"Ugh," came another, more nasally voice from the bush. "Way to go, Zoey, you just blew our cover."

"Zoey?" Mike asked, sitting up and keeping a preferable distance away from Ezekiel. "What're you doing out here?"

"Following Noah's plan?" she said, half unsure and half defeated.

From the bush, Noah stepped out, and B and Cody's heads popped up from the bush. "A lot good that plan will do us now."

"Yeah, a lot good," sneered Scott. "Get back to the panic room or get eaten, 'cause we don't need any more tagalongs."

"Scott!" Courtney glared, crossing her arms. "This is _my_ group, not yours!" She turned to Noah's group and Mike. "You five, get back to the panic room. We don't need you around." And before anyone could point out the redundancy in her statement, she turned around, leading her team away.

"Unbelievable..." Scott huffed.

Bridgette gave a sympathetic shrug to the others. "Sorry, but it'd be safer for you guys. Come on, Zeke." She followed Scott and Courtney, Ezekiel close on her heels.

Noah sighed. "Well, that plan was a bust. Come on, back to the panic room."

"You guys go ahead," Zoey said. "I'll be with you in a second."

Cody nodded, B gave a thumbs-up, and Noah shrugged. The three of them left, leaving Mike and Zoey alone.

Zoey held a hand out to Mike, who was still sitting on the floor. "Here, let me help you up."

He took the hand gratefully, saying, "Thanks," as he stood up.

Zoey's lips curled into a frown. "Mike, what were you doing out here?"

"My group told me to patrol the area, see if there were any walkers around," he answered. "There aren't, by the way. We're safe for now."

"Oh, thank goodness," she sighed in relief. "If something happened to you, I don't know what I'd do."

Mike gave a nervous chuckle. "Well, I'm _really_ athletic now, so nothing bad should happen to me. And you're anything _but_ clumsy, so you should be fine too!"

She gave a small nod. "Yeah, you're right."

"So, should we head back?"

"I'd like that."

Mike made an extravagant gesture to the panic room. "Ladies first!"

Zoey giggled, saying, "No, no, after you. I insist."

Mike's lips curled into a knowing smile. "Well, if you _insist_, then—AH!" Just as he walked forward, he tripped, accidentally bringing Zoey down with him.

"Oh my gosh, I'm _so sorry_, Zoey!" Mike frantically apologized after standing up, helping her stand up.

She grinned. "It's totally fine. Your clumsiness is one of the things I love about you!"

They shared a moment of laughter, which was interrupted by a coughing sound.

"Well, that was way longer than a second," came Noah's nasally voice as he stood there, unamused by the duo's antics. "Quit being so dependent on him and help us find a way to survive. This is still a challenge, you know."

Zoey tried desperately to mask her fear.

* * *

**Zoey**: _There it is again!_ I'm not _that_ dependent on Mike... am I?

* * *

"I should... go..." Zoey said.

Mike frowned. "Oh, alright. I'll just stay here and patrol the area more."

She nodded, and reluctantly followed Noah back to the group.

Once Zoey was gone, Mike stood there, looking up at the support beam and weighing his choices.

* * *

**Mike**: I could either go follow Zoey's group, go follow Scott's group, or just keep patroling. Scott's group is out, obviously, but Zoey might need help. But if I leave, I might miss a walker coming, and then Zoey would _really _need my help. (He chuckles nervously) I'm sure she'll be alright... right?

* * *

(Courtney's group)

When the three of them—

Ezekiel started howling, startling and confusing his group members when nothing was said to provoke it.

..._Four_ of them arrived in Chris's private room, they were pleasantly surprised to find a mount of good and non-perishable food items right in the middle of the room.

"Well, that was easy," Scott said. "So how're we gonna bring all this back?"

Courtney gave an annoyed sigh, as if she were explaining something to an unwilling child. "We're not bringing back the _entire_ thing, Scott."

"Why not?"

Courtney started counting off the reasons with her fingers. "One, it'd take too many separate trips to get it all into the panic room. Two, it'd leave us susceptible to walker attacks. And three, Owen would eat it all. No, I say the lot of us eat some of it now, then bring back enough to feed everyone for the night."4

Ezekiel pounced forward into the mini mountain, then came out with a good amount of portions balanced on his back.

"Well," Courtney said. "Glad to see he's useful for something."

Bridgette half glared, half gasped.

* * *

**Bridgette**: Ezekiel is _still_ a person! So what if he's feral? He shouldn't be treated like a pack mule!

* * *

Scott took an apple from the pile on Ezekiel's back and bit it. "Fresh. Yeah, these're good."

Unbeknownst to them, two fiendish competitors watched Courtney's group enviously.

"How _dare _that witch find food and not us?!" Heather fumed.

"Ah, but Heather, they are sharing it," Alejandro said. "We would not."

"Did I ever _say_ that we would?" she scowled. "No, we need to steal some of it for ourselves."

"They are bringing some back for all of us," Alejandro pointed out. "What good would stealing accomplish?"

"Look, I don't _care_. I'm getting some of that food, and you can either be with me or against me, and you do _not_ want to be against me."

He put his hands up in mock defense, smirking. "I would _never_ be against you, my sweet. I was merely pointing out the flaws in your plan."

"Yeah, well, don't. Now let's go." She stood up, stalking Courtney's group.

"As you wish, _mi amor_," Alejandro bowed, following her.

* * *

**Heather**: It's nice to have Alejandro following me for a change. I can do whatever I want to him, command him to do my bidding... It's great. (She frowns a little, looking away from the camera) Why do I feel so empty inside?

* * *

Unbeknownst to _them_, a certain mohawked punk was spying on the villainous duo in an effort to learn about their plans.

"What are you doing?" came Gwen's voice from behind Duncan.

He snapped his head back, slightly startled. "Oh, it's you Pasty."

"Don't call me that."

"Aw, c'mon, you never had a problem with it before."

"That was back when I was dating you. We're over now, remember?"

He shrugged. "I've been calling Courtney Princess even after we broke it off. So I should still be able to call you Pasty."

"You do that with every girl you've dated, don't you? Must be a reminder of the days they'll never get back."

Duncan raised an eyebrow.

* * *

**Duncan**: Man, Gwen is a _downer _all of a sudden. What's with her?

* * *

**Gwen:** If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that nice people finish last. I've been pretty nice-ish the last few seasons, and I've never made it as far as I did in the first season. The game comes first. Friends are second. (Suddenly, an air vent is broken, revealing Izzy)

**Izzy**: Ooh, you don't want to do that!

**Gwen**: Gah, Izzy! What are you doing in here?!

**Izzy**: You gotta have fun with your friends! Or at least just not care! But don't be obsessed with winning!

**Gwen**: Yeah, no. And you still haven't answered my question.

**Izzy**: I always wait for my Big O. You wouldn't _believe_ how many confessionals I hear. Like, it turns out that Courtney's great-great-uncle thrice removed is Hitler!

**Gwen**: Don't you mean 'was'?

**Izzy**: No!

**Gwen**: ... Uh, I'm just gonna... go. (She stands up awkwardly from her seat)

**Izzy**: Wait! Don't you want to hear about Sierra's Gwameron plan?

**Gwen**: Nopesorryseeya! (She runs out)

* * *

"Well, whatever," Duncan scoffed. He turned back to Heather and Alejandro's direction, saying, "Now if you don't mind..."

"Actually, I do mind," said Gwen. "We kind of need your help."

"With what?"

"To stop the walkers?" she reminded.

Duncan gave a smug smirk. "What makes you think I'm not doing that?"

"You're spying on two of the villains," Gwen deadpanned.

He turned back to Gwen, putting on his charm. "Yeah, but I'd rather spy on _you_ anyday."

Gwen was not amused. She gave him a push, causing him to tumble back. When it was clear to him that he wouldn't stop himself from falling at that rate, he clutched Gwen's wrist in a futile effort to regain his balance. This only caused _both_ of them to fall down, rolling forward.

Heather and Alejandro whipped their heads back at the sound of the duo. "Duncan? Gwen?" asked Alejandro.

"Weird goth girl? Duncan?" asked Heather.

Courtney turned around, surprised at the villainous duo's voices. "Alejandro? Heather?"

"Courtney?" Duncan asked, lifting his head up.

"Courtney?" Gwen asked, lifting her head up as well.

Bridgette turned around. "Gwen?"

"Bridgette?"

Courtney spluttered, "Gwen? Duncan?"

"I hate all of you," Scott deadpanned.

"SCOTT?!" everyone shrieked.

Suddenly, Izzy tumbled in from who-knew-where. "Izzy! Ha ha, whoo-hoo!"

A frustrated Courtney threw her hands up in the air. "WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO FOLLOW US?!"

From atop a support beam, Mike's voice piped up. "Uhm, guys?"

Everyone immediately asked, "Mike?"

"You should probably start running," he said nervously.

Courtney grunted. "Unless it's a walker, I don't want to hear it!"

"About that..."

A growling sound echoed about, followed by the walker intern from before's figure appearing off in the somewhat-close distance.

"RUN!" Mike shouted, summersaulting off of the support beam and high-tailing it away. The others followed suit in varying degrees of panic.

Bridgette skidded to a stop. "Wait, where's Ezekiel?!"

"It doesn't matter, just run!" Courtney shouted as she passed Bridgette.

The surfer spotted the feral homeschooled teen approaching the intern, not even bothering to worry.

"Ezekiel!" Bridgette cried out, preparing to go after him.

Courtney, from way far ahead, stopped and yelled out. "Oh, you aren't seriously thinking about _dying_ for that loser, are you?"

Bridgette gave a quick glare to the CIT, which phased into a determined expression in Ezekiel's direction. Without a moment's hesitation, she bolted forward, towards Ezekiel and the walker.

Within five feet of the two inhumans, she gave a wolf whistle then waved her hands in the air. "Hey, walker! Over here!"

The walker snapped its head towards Bridgette and growled.

"Thaaaat's right, look at me, I'm a distraction..." She moved slowly around the walker towards Ezekiel's position. "Don't worry about Zeke, you should be focusing on me now..."

Ezekiel noticed Bridgette inching forward, and he tilted his head and growled, "Aroo?"

"Psst, Zeke," she whispered when she was only inches away from Ezekiel. "Grab my hand, then we'll run for it."

He eyed the outstretched hand for only a moment, then turned back to the walker and barked. Before Bridgette could say anything, Ezekiel started gnawing on the walker's leg.

"RAHCK!" the walker shrieked, somehow able to shake its leg rapidly in an effort to release the feral teen. It didn't work. If anything, it made the walker tumble forward and trip right into Bridgette, bringing her and Ezekiel for one heck of roll down towards the panic room.

* * *

(Panic Room: Minutes before Courtney's "group" arrives)

"Well, that was a bust," Noah sighed as he and his three teammates.

"Again, I am _so sorry_!" Zoey apologized to the other three. "I was just so worried about him!"

"Yeah, well, unless you want us to lose this challenge, you have to quit being so magnetized to him."

"Isn't this real, not a challenge?" Cody asked.

"I don't care enough to answer that."

From the group with Cameron, Owen, and Sierra, the latter gave a high-pitched squeal. "EEEE, CODY!" She immediately glomped the geek.

"Gah, Sierra! You're... squishing... my... sternum!" he gasped out.

Noah shook his head, not even bothering to hide a smirk. "That's a rather apt punishment for stealing my line, don't you think?" he asked to no one in particular.

B merely rolled his eyes.

Noah's smirk vanished. "Give me a break, B. Being peeved off makes my quips lackluster."

Zoey said, "Again, sorry! But Mike could have been really hurt!"

"Wait, what happened?" Cameron piped up from his group (which was basically him and Owen, since Sierra was too busy snuggling Cody's unwilling body). "What happened with Mike?"

"Nothing," she said a bit too defensively. "He just fell from a support beam after Ezekiel spotted him, and I accidentally blew our group's cover. He's not hurt though! Thank _goodness_..." she added, the last part more to herself than to anyone else.

Cameron sighed in relief. "That's a relief."

Owen brought Cameron in for a bear hug. "Don't worry, buddy! Nobody's getting hurt today!"

"You're... squishing... my... sternum..." gasped Cameron.

"Okay, do any of you even know what the sternum _is_?" Noah asked.

"The breastbone," everyone sans B, Cameron, and Cody said.

Suddenly, Mike ran in through the doors, panting heavily.

"Mike?" Zoey asked. "What's wrong?"

"Walker!" he panted out, causing most of them to gasp. "We need everyone in here!"

Owen dropped Cameron to the ground, then started sobbing heavily. "NOOO! WE'RE GONNA DIII-I-IIIE!"

Noah raised an eyebrow. "What happened to 'Nobody's getting hurt'?"

Owen was sobbing too much to answer.

Noah groaned. "Ugh, forget it. Cameron, take a—" He stopped when he saw the bubble boy gasping like a fish, still reeling from Owen's bear hug. "Uh, yeah. Zoey, you take a body count. Owen, B, Mike, you three guard the door."

Mike and B nodded and hurried towards the door. Owen, meanwhile, kept sobbing uncontrollably. Zoey began counting the number of people in the room.

"Sierra, quit fondling Cody and do something productive."

She raised her head to glare at Noah. "Cody's the most productive thing, like, _ever_!"

Noah glared back. "If you want to survive, I'd suggest you do something other than what you're doing right now."

Her glare intensified.

Noah sighed, defeated. "Why don't you just 'protect Cody' from the walker or something?"

Sierra gasped. "I MUST PROTECT CODY!" she shrieked, clutching Cody and rushing to the far end of the panic room.

"Well, that solves that," Noah said.

"There are ten of us!" Zoey called out. "I think we're missing all of Courtney's group, Gwen, Duncan, and Izzy."

"Okay, so that's nine peo—wait, Izzy? Wasn't she just..." He trailed off, looking in Dakota's direction. To his shock, there was no sign of Izzy. "Dakota, where's Izzy?"

"DAKOTA SWEARS IZZY THERE BEFORE," she said frantically. "IZZY TELEPORT?"

Noah turned to Dawn, still in a deep meditative state. "Dawn, do you have any idea where Izzy is?"

She didn't answer. Dawn was too caught up in her meditation.

Duncan and Gwen ran into the panic room, also panting heavily.

"Twelve!" Zoey chimed. "Just Courtney's group and Izzy!"

Right after the sentence escaped her mouth, Heather, Alejandro, Scott, and Izzy all ran in.

Izzy gave a cheering holler. "Ha ha, let's go again!"

"Sixteen," said Zoey. "Any of you guys know where Courtney, Bridgette, and Zeke are?"

Alejandro turned around towards the entrance, saying, "Oh my, they were right behind us! It would be such a shame if they didn't make it."

"Shut it, Alejandro," Heather snapped. "Ooh, when I find Chris, he is going to pay!" she seethed.

Courtney ran inside, huffing as she said, "Bridgette... She went back to help Ezekiel... from the walker...!"

Many of them gasped.

"We have to go and help them!" Zoey said.

"Oh, no you don't," said Dawn, bringing everyone's attention to her. She didn't even move from her stance when she said, "You all may want to move to the side, away from the door, though."

Just about all of them heeded Dawn's warning, pressing themselves to the side. Even the more unwilling ones like Alejandro and Heather. The only one who didn't was Noah. "And why should we—" he started, being cut off by B as the silent genius picked him up by his head and brought the bookworm away from the door.

Not a moment later, three figures rolled inside, landing right at the Owen-shaped indent in the farthest wall. Slowly, Bridgette slumped from the wall, coughing as she crawled away. Ezekiel did the same.

"Bridgette, are you okay?" Courtney asked.

She coughed before saying, "I think so... Is Zeke alright?"

Zeke responded with a woof, clawing at the walker's leg.

Scott groaned. "All that effort, and the zombie _still_ got in!"

"Walker," Cody automatically said, seemingly recovered from Sierra's earlier glomping.

Heather snarled at the geek, lifting him by the scruff of his collar. "Listen here _pipsqueak_, I am sick and tired of your constant correcting for something so _stupid_."

"Hey!" Sierra snapped. "Hands off my Codykins!"

Alejandro put a hand on Sierra's shoulder. "Now, now, I don't believe Heather expresses any intent of hurting your precious... semi-man."

Sierra huffed, muttering, "She better not hurt him..."

"In fact, this entire _thing_ is stupid!" Heather cried out, dropping Cody to the ground and turning to the walker's direction. "_That _is stupid! And I am _not_ going to spend the rest of my life worrying about something so harmless!"

"But, uhm, walkers can make you turn into one of them if they bite you..." Cody said sheepishly.

"I don't care!" she said, stomping towards the walker. "I don't care about whatever danger it could be..."

When she got close to the slumped over walker, Heather kicked Ezekiel away, causing him to land near the others.

"I don't care about Chris's stupid challenge. And _most_ of all..."

She lifted her foot in the air, preparing to strike. "_I DON'T CARE ABOUT CHRIS'S STUPID INTERN!_"

Her foot struck down, a mighty _crunch_ echoing, causing most of the guys to wince.

"_EEEEP!_" shrieked the 'walker', clutching its crotch and falling to the side. "Mommy...!"

"That's not a walker?" Cody asked.

"Of course it isn't!"

Everyone's attention turned to the door, where Chris Mc Lean stood as smug as ever. "It was all a challenge!"

"HAH! YES! IN YOUR FACE, DUNCAN!" Courtney shrieked.

"What? I didn't even say it wasn't a challenge," Duncan said.

"I DON'T CARE!"

Chris chuckled. "Yes, it was all a challenge, all planned by me, Chris Mc Lean!" He gave a toothy grin to the camera.

"So what you're saying is..." Gwen started.

"This whole thing..." said Scott.

"Wasn't real?" Zoey said.

"And we were running around like a chicken with its head cut off..." said Cameron.

"FOR NOTHING?" said Dakota.

"And Heather completely ruined that intern's chances of reproducing, which she probably would have done regardless, correct?" Noah said.

"Exactly!" chirped Chris.

There was a long, awkward beat of silence until...

Izzy brought out a slime bazooka. "Ooh, this'll be the perfect time to use this!"

Chris's eyes widened. "What, no, wai—" He was interrupted by the torrent of green slime that propelled him right at the wall.

Everyone cheered.

"Ugh," Chris groaned, wiping the slime from his face. "I swear, if you weren't good for ratings, you'd be eliminated, Izzy."

Izzy didn't care. Instead, she turned the bazooka around, pointing it to her, and fired. Now with a head coated with slime, she cheered. "Whoo-hoo, yeah!"

* * *

**Cameron**: Izzy never fails to scare the living daylights out of me.

(Suddenly, the air vent pops open, revealing Izzy)

**Izzy**: Heard you were talkin' dirt about me, eh, Cammy-bear? Wanna say hi to my bazooka?

**Cameron**: (shrieks like a girl and runs out of the confessional)

* * *

"So, since Heather saved the day—which is a _huge _shocker—, I say that the Protags win!"

Most of the Protags cheered. The ones that didn't, however, were too busy worrying about the fate of their friends on the Notags.

Sierra held Cody in a protective grasp. "Ooh, Chris, can't you have some kind of immunity challenge? Or just give Cody immunity?"'

"Yeeeah, no. I'll see you all in the elimination ceremony in one hour, where one of you will become the biggest loser ever." With that, he left the room.

Everyone shared looks of worry.

* * *

**Owen:** I'm really glad that my team won! But I'm also kind of worried for my little buddies, like Noah. (He thinks for a second) Aw, I'm sure he won't get voted off! So what if he's always been the first voted off in each of his teams? ...Oh, now I'm not so sure.

(Suddenly, the airvent is broken, revealing Izzy)

**Izzy**: There you are, Big O! C'mon, it's time for some hardcore make-out sessions! (Sh picks up Owen and somehow pulls him inside the airvent)

**Sierra: **Nobody better vote for my Codykins, or they're _dead_! (She pulls out a spare Gwen paper-cut out and rips the 'collarbone') Preferably by a subclavian cut! Or whatever!

**Scott**: Well, of _course_ we'd win. Protags beat Notags, duh. Here's hoping they vote off Moonbeam. (His eyes narrow) She knows too much.

* * *

(At the elimination ceremony)

"Welcome to your first ever elimination ceremony!" Chris announced. "The winners, the Protags, will be sitting on these super posh seats, handmade by me, Chris Mc Lean!?" He gives a toothy grin to the camera.

"These are just cardboard!" Courtney complained, followed by her 'seat' caving in, causing her to fall.

"What do you expect when something's handmade by Chris?" Gwen quipped, chuckling to herself.

* * *

**Gwen**: To set the record straight, I'm not mad at Courtney anymore for what happened during the last All Star season. Seriously, I'm not one to hold grudges. But I'm still in it to win it.

* * *

Chris pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ugh, fine, you Protags just sit with the others and talk for a bit." He produced a vacuum pack. "I need to take care of some _professional confessional business_." He jogged away towards the confessionals.

"And worst pun of the millenium goes to Chris Mc Lean," Noah deadpanned.

"I wonder what he's doing over there," Cody pondered.

"My guess? He's probably trying to stop one of Izzy and Owen's hardcore make-out sessions."

A scream of terror rang out from the direction of the confessionals, followed by, "NOOO! THREE STRANDS OF HAIR! AND THEY'RE RUINED BECAUSE OF YOU!"

"Did Izzy just go easy on Chris?" Sierra gasped.

"No, that was because Chris tripped on a blade of grass," sighed Noah.

Meanwhile, Bridgette sat next to Ezekiel, patting his toque.

"I hope they don't vote you off, Zeke," she said to him. "You don't really have the best track record in terms of eliminations, you know."

"Maybe you should worry about yourself," said Courtney, walking over to Bridgette.

The surfer girl reeled back slightly. "What do you mean by that?"

"I'm just saying," she said, sitting down next to her, "that you won't get far if you needlessly risk your life like you did before."

"Ezekiel was in danger!" she spluttered.

"It wasn't _really_ a walker."

"None of us knew that then!"

"Still. If you're going to try and be a hero, at least be one to someone who's not elimination fodder."

Bridgette gave a sad glance to Ezekiel's direction. "He's not fodder...!"

"Bridgette, you're one of the few friends I have here. Try and think logically, alright?"

Bridgette sighed.

* * *

**Bridgette**: I always think with my heart, though. I'm not saying Courtney's wrong, but she just doesn't understand that there's more to life than brainpower.

* * *

Scott walked over to the two girls and feral freakshow. "Listen here surfer girl and thing, I need you two to vote for Dawn tonight."

Bridgette blinked. "Why?"

"Because."

"That's not really a good reason," Bridgette deadpanned.

Scott sneered. "Like you have anyone else to vote for."

"He has a point," Courtney said, then added, "surprisingly."

Bridgette pursed her lips. "I'll–I'll think about it, okay?"

"That's good enough for me," Scott smirked, then walked away.

Over by the villainous duo, Heather was fuming.

"I just saved their greasy butts, and nobody's wanting to kiss my feet! Unbelievable!" she seethed.

"Ah, but Heather, _I_ would be more than willing to kiss feet as lovely as yours," Alejandro cooed.

"Buzz off."

"What are you guys complaining about?" said Duncan as he walked over to the two. "At least you're safe from elimination."

"Yes, and you would be too if Chris did not play such a pitiful prank on you," said Alejandro.

Heather didn't bother to hide her laughter. "Yeah, you were _such_ a wuss in season five. Like, '_Oh, where are the rest of them?', 'Come on, I'll only borrow it for a second!' 'Oh, boo hoo hoo!'_" she mocked, then exploded with laughter.

Alejandro chuckled along. "Yes, that entire performance was a pity. 'Fists of five'? We all have four fingers, you _idiota_."

Duncan snarled. "Oh yeah? Well—"

"Well what? _'Goshy gosh, poopy face, fuzzy slippers'_?" Heather managed to say before resuming her earthquake of laughter.

Duncan growled, then turned away and left.

Zoey sat at the farthest seat, companied only by Dakota.

"IS BUH-FUH-FUH ALRIGHT?" Dakota asked.

"Huh? Yeah, of course!" Her chattering teeth and knocking knees gave her away, though. She managed a shaky sigh. "Oh, no, I'm not. I'm just so freaked out right now. Everyone might be voting for me, and I'd be the first to go home!"

Dakota tried giving a light hug, which, due to her super strength, became a slightly tight hug for Zoey. "IF ZOEY FEELS BETTER, DAKOTA NOT VOTE FOR YOU."

Zoey sniffed. "Really?"

Dakota nodded.

"Thanks Dakota. You're a great friend. Now, uhm, can you let me go? It's a little too tight."

Dakota happily obliged.

Over by the others sat Mike, Cameron, B, and Gwen. Mike kept glancing at Zoey's direction every five seconds before saying, "I'm so worried about Zoey guys. She looks so freaked out."

"I'm sure she'll be fine, Mike," Cameron consoled. "She has a lot of friends on her team who wouldn't dare vote her off."

Mike nodded slightly, glancing over towards Zoey again. "You're probably right, Cam. But I'm still worried..."

"Don't be, Mike," said Dawn, suddenly appearing next to him.

"Gah!" Mike shrieked in shock, clinging to the closest thing next to him, which was Cameron's arm. That caused both of the boys to fall to the ground.

"Oof! Sorry, Cam!" Mike apologized as he and Cameron got up off the ground.

"It's fine," Cameron groaned, rubbing his neck.

"Did I startle you again?" Dawn asked. "I have a habit of doing that."

"Yeah. So what were you saying?" Mike asked.

"You shouldn't worry about Zoey. She's not fated to leave today."

Mike sighed. "Whew, that's a relief!"

Gwen raised an eyebrow. "I thought you couldn't reveal the future to anyone."

"When it's something that will be revealed very soon and would do more good than harm to reveal, I make exceptions," Dawn shrugged.

"Hmm," Gwen hummed, letting her gaze fall to the ground.

"Gwen?" Cameron asked. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You just seem a bit more quiet and apathetic than usual," he said.

"I'm fine. Just bored."

"Oh..."

* * *

**Cameron**:Why is Gwen so distant all of a sudden? Wasn't she more social during the first All Star season?

* * *

Mike turned to Dawn. "So if Zoey's not getting voted off, who is?"

"Oh, I think you'll find out soon." She paused, then turned to B, putting a hand on his arm. "It's not you either, B, don't worry."

B relaxed.

Soon, Chris came back with Owen and Izzy, looking completely disheveled. "Okay, you guys go over there..." he said tiredly, motioning the duo to the others.

"Whoo! Intense make-outs!" Izzy laughed maniacally.

"That was something we didn't need confirmed," said Noah. "Can we just get on with it?"

"Fine, fine," said Chris, patting his hair and composing himself. "Okay! Team Protags on the left, Notags and Even Bigger Sweethearts on the right!"

Soon, the teams sat separately.

Chris produced a platter of golden Chris statuettes. "I have here eighteen handsome statuettes, which will go to all but one of you. The person who does not get a super hot Chris must take the Rickshaw of Shame and they can never return. EV-ER."

"No Lame-osine?" asked Cody. "Why a rickshaw, of all things?"

"You know, I really don't know. But I always liked the name "Rickshaw". Might give it to my firstborn, eh? Anyway, because Heather successfully kicked the kiwis off of the walker—"

"An event that will probably scar us for the rest of our lives," Noah quipped. "Actually, this entire day will."

"Noah? Shut up. Okay, so, since Heather defeated the walker, she has given the Protags immunity for tonight!"

"You should all be thanking me," Heather said.

"Yeah, because kicking a dude in the crotch is something only you could do," Duncan smirked.

"True that," Chris chuckled. "Anyway, you protags are safe. Owen, Sierra, Mike, Cameron, Courtney, Gwen, Alejandro, Heather, and Scott." He tossed a Chris figurine to everyone he listed off.

Owen's mouth started watering when he caught the statuette. "Is it _chocolate_?"

"Some are. Some are marshmallow."

Owen gulped the entire thing down in one bite, foil and all.

"And some could be rat dung," Chris finished.

Owen's eyes widened, before he shrugged. "Eh, it was tangy."

All the Protags made a simultaneous move to sit away from Owen.

"Now to the Notags and Even Bigger Sweethearts," Chris said, turning to the other two teams. "I gotta say, I wasn't at all surprised that you all lost. You had the one that became one of two group leaders..."

Cody beamed.

"The one that ruined the cover of the split team..."

Zoey shrank back.

"The one that wouldn't stop with their snarkiness..."

Noah shrugged.

"The one that kinda did nothing except save the fatty and entertain the one that forced me to shower for three extensive hours..."

Dakota waved while Izzy cheered.

"And the one that also did kind of nothing, but at least did a good job at it."

B gave a thumbs up.

"You six are a a bunch of misfits, you know that?" Chris said. "Because you will all stay misfits, since you six have immunity as well!"

"What?!" came the screams of many, with mixed reactions.

Chris threw statuettes at the six listed competitors. "Because I'm feeling generous, and because you six followed Cody's group instead of Courtney's by splitting up into your teams, you get immunity!"

"Hey, what about me?" Duncan asked. "I went with the pipsqueak too."

Chris gave a melodramatic moan. "Uuugh, fiiiine. Duncan gets immunity too, blah blah blah." He halfheartedly threw the statuette in Duncan's general direction before changing his demeanor into a more upbeat one. "So, that leaves Bridgette, Dawn, and Ezekiel up for elimination! All nine of you Notags have to vote for one of those three! Ready? Go!"

* * *

**B**: (He scribbles something down, then turns to the camera and shrugs)

**Bridgette**: Oh no... Dawn and Zeke are the two who've been cheated out of the game the most. I can't just vote for them! (She sighs, then writes something down) I guess I'll vote for myself.

**Cody**: (He writes something down, then looks at the camera) Sorry dude, but you're pretty scary now.

**Dakota**: DAKOTA GLAD BUH-FUH-FUH AND DAKOTA NO GET VOTED OFF. (She writes something)

**Dawn**: Just as I expected. (She writes down something) I'm truly sorry Ezekiel, but staying here would be ill-advised for you.

**Ezekiel**: (He tries writing, but ultimately fails and leaves the confessional)

**Izzy**: (She writes down something, then springs up into the air vents)

**Noah**: (sarcastically) Ooh, how fun. I get to choose between a peacemaker, a peacemaker who's also a witch, and the guy with the dog-like mentality. It should be obvious who I'm voting for. (He writes something down)

**Zoey**: You have _no idea_ how relieved I am. It's hard enough being away from Mike and Cameron, but I'm so worried that I'll seem like a weak link to the team! I'm glad I have immunity, or I don't know _what_ I'd do. (She pauses) Oh, I have to vote for someone. Right. (She writes something down)

* * *

"Players, you've all cast your votes," said Chris. "It's time to say goodbye to one of you."

Bridgette looked worried, Dawn seemed impassive, and Ezekiel... was too busy being Ezekiel.

"The one who's _not_ going home is Dawn, with no votes against her."

Dawn caught the thrown statuette effortlessly.

Bridgette gulped, half from the pressure, and half from the glare Scott was giving her.

"The final Chris of the night goes to..."

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

"...Bridgette, with one vote."

Bridgette let out a gasp as the statuette landed next to her. "Ezekiel's out? But he, he shouldn't be! Come on, he's never gotten farther than last place!" She whipped her head to the others. "Couldn't you guys have given him the chance to not be out first?!"

Zoey gave a shrug. "Sorry Bridgette, but I didn't want to vote for you or Dawn."

Some of the other Notags nodded in agreement.

Bridgette's head lowered. "Oh..." she sighed, then turned to Ezekiel. "I'm sorry, Zeke. I really thought you'd make it a little farther."

Ezekiel howled, rubbing his head on Bridgette's leg affectionately.

"Ezekiel, your rickshaw of loserdom awaits," Chris said, motioning to the rickshaw.

Bridgette gave a sad smile. "I guess this is good bye, Zeke," she said, patting his head.

He gave a joyful woof, and then pounced on the rickshaw.

"Now _this_ makes my job worthwhile," said Chris, holding up a remote with a button and pressing it.

The handles spouted out rockets, both of which ignited almost instantaneously. The rickshaw was propelled forward, sending the feral teen out towards the night, a lone howl echoing about.

Chris turned to the camera. "One down, many more to go! Who will win? Who will lose? And who's getting the rickety rocket caboose? Find out next time on Total! Drama! Reset!"

* * *

**Votes: ** B: **Ezekiel**

Bridgette: Bridgette Cody:

**Ezekiel **

Dakota: **Ezekiel**

Dawn: **Ezekiel**

Ezekiel: [ripped paper]

Izzy: **Ezekiel**

Noah: **Ezekiel**

Zoey: **Ezekiel**

**19th place: Ezekiel**

* * *

**Pika Scootaloo**: Sorry to those of you who have an intense burning hatred for Zoey or B, but come on, did you really expect Ezekiel to get farther than last? That's what those Kobold Necromancer fics are for!

So, anyway, here is episode two, written by me. Waffle wrote the first one, and we'll be doing every other episode. Ergo, Waffle does three, I do four, he does five, etc., etc..

Uhm... I don't I have anything else to say. Waffle?

**Constipated Waffle:** Lookit me, I'm finally returning to writing these things! Expect to see a lot of experimentation and such from my chapters as a try to focus on a definitive style. A lemony narrator type thing seems appealing so far… Anyway, I need all the construcktive criticism I can get (like "Waffle, you just spelled "constructive" wrong, ya numbskull!") so drop [s]the bass[/s] a review whenever you feel the need to.

I, well… I guess that's all. Back to you, Pika.

**Pika Scootaloo: ** "Lemony narrator?" I hope you don't mean like Lemony Snicket. He explains even the simplest words, and it's kind of infuriating.

So, uh, yeah. Next time on Total Drama Reset, will brain triumph over brawn? Only the strongest and the smartest will see if mind over matter is really true. It helps that we'll be focusing on Phil Rye! Tune in next time, where *sob* everything is matter... Except energy, of course!

I'm sorry, but I needed to shoehorn at least one reference to the Bill Nye parody. So, see ya soon!


	3. Weird Science

**Chapter 3**

**Weird Science**

**ANONYMOUS REPLIES**

**From Pika: ** Wish Star: Ha, a new couple is stretching it a bit. At most, we'll just ship tease to no end, which you already saw with No Co (and it's totally No Co, Waffle, not Nody, get with the times :v).

Guest: Sorry pal, but we've already got most of our challenges, and a Fear Factor one would be just too unoriginal. Unlike in Action, we have more than enough shows to lampoon (hands up if you'd rather have had the guy in a coma movie challenge over the animal buddy flick one).

**From Waffle: ** Wish Star:How many new couples do you want? A couple? (shot)

Guest: Yeah, we already have the challenges planned out for the most part. Besides, the actual show already had that challenge, no reason to have it again even though I'm ripping everything else off from the show

* * *

"Well, time for another day of torture, guys," Cody groaned, stretching and getting out of bed as Chris' megaphone blared outside, though being too faint for any of the Notags to hear much other than static.

"I still say we should get a break after the heart attack of yesterday," Duncan sighed, jumping down from the top of Ezekiel's former bunk, which he had taken after the feral boy's elimination.

"Because clearly Chris is nice enough to let us have a break," Dawn replied sarcastically, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

The Protags weren't having a much better morning, as the megaphone was being used much closer to their cabin than the Notags cabin.

"AAGH!" Courtney screamed and bumped the topped of her head as the sound rang out. "WHAT IS THAT NOISE?"

"Actually, it's a 'screamer' song from the deathcore heavy metal band WCMUN. They released the song with the intention of-" Cameron's elaboration was interrupted by Heather's screaming, which was most certainly scarier than the sounds Chris was currently playing.

"If McLean thinks he can drag us in here and subject us to all of this random freaky bullcrap, he's got another thing COMING!" everyone's least favorite drama queen burst out.

Owen gulped and shivered in the corner. "I thought this season was based on TV shows, not scary things and creepy bands," he noted.

"THE ONLY THING SCARY TO ME IS THE LOSS OF MY CODYKINZ! COOOOOODDDDDDYYYY!" Sierra screamed, dashing out of the room and nearly breaking the (admittedly quite flimsy) door off of the cabin.

"I think she just might have a screw or two loose. Maybe," Gwen deadpanned, prompting a small laugh from Courtney, which everybody ignored.

* * *

**Courtney**: "You know, I wish people would show a little respect around here. Okay, so I made a list of the people I wanted gone in All-Stars, but who doesn't do those kinds of things mentally? All I did was I made the mistake of writing it down, allowing other people to get a glimpse of it. Nothing big, it really was what I was thinking! Why does nobody respect me?"

* * *

"All right, campers, listen up," Chris boomed, having finally turned the horribly unpleasant recordings off and commandeering the megaphone for his own usage. "We all know teenagers are very hard to get up out of bed in the mornings, so what better way to do that than to blast the world's most unpleasant, scariest sounds into their beds? I couldn't think of anything!"

"Oh, trust me, those aren't the world's scariest sounds," Duncan snarked, leaning on a nearby tree.

"Oh, really?" Chris asked, turning towards Duncan. "What sounds could _possibly_ be scarier than that?"

"I'm not _that_ stupid, Chris," Duncan responded, letting a slow grin creep across his face.

* * *

**Duncan**: "I may have been dragged back here against my will, but if I'm gonna have to do another Total Drama season, torturing Chris is gonna be on the top of my to-do list. Chris lives by the philosophy that what he doesn't know needs to be found out as quickly as possible to help torture us, so maybe I'll just send Chris on a nice wild goose chase…"

* * *

"I know sounds that are scarier than that music too!" Izzy said, her eyes twitching and observing the area. "Have you guys ever heard of Rebecca Black?"

"Nobody needs to bring that up!" Alejandro immediately shouted. "Or do you want Chris to have the ability to torture us infinitely?"

"What exactly was that name again, Izzy?" Chris giggled, pulling out a pen and ripping off part of a nearby intern's shirt to use for writing on.

"Rebecca Black! Her songs are so scary, they'd send Jeff the Killer running for cover!" Izzy nonchalantly replied.

Chris fervently began to write down the name of the song, while every other camper showed extreme signs of fear.

* * *

**Duncan**: "…Unfortunately, my ideas for a wild goose chase ended when Izzy revealed the true horrors of the Internet. Now it looks like nobody's ever gonna be able to get a wink of sleep. At least Chris will have to listen to the song too…"

* * *

"Okay, enough of our scaredy-pants discussions!" Chris announced, putting the pen and make-shift "paper" into his pocket. "It's time for today's challenge, which will have you feeling an emotion a whole lot different than fear: nostalgia! He led you through countless lessons about the world around you, and, sincerely, how many of us would have been able to get through school without him? He's your childhood idol, the favorite teacher of everyone around the country! Give it up for… PHIL RYE THE PHYSICS GUY!"

A very familiar tune started playing through the camp's multiple speakers, a tune many of the campers had heard before in their science classes. However, whenever the song got to the title dropping of "Bill Nye the Science Guy," the music was cut off and replaced with the very bored and monotonous voice of an intern half-heartedly singing, "Phil Rye the Physics Guy."

Chris stood up at the front of the campers, flashing his best smile at the camera.

Bridgette pitched in, however, before he could say anything. "Um, Chris, I am about one hundred percent positive the show's name was Bill Nye the Science Guy."

"NO NO NO, don't say things like that around the cameras!" Chris shouted, shaking his hands in the universal "stop what you are going right there" gesture. "If we get hit with another lawsuit, we have to go back to 13-episode seasons! Nobody here wants that, now, do we?" All the campers looked from face to face.

* * *

**Dawn**: "I'm pretty sure all of us campers prefer the 13 episodes, actually. Chris can only torture us half as much."

* * *

**Courtney**: "Wait, did he say _another_ lawsuit? What could the first one have been for… did one of my lawsuits finally go through?"

* * *

"Anyway," Chris continued, pausing the music over the loudspeakers, "I've already had the interns set up all the supplies we need for the next challenge over in the concessions hall, so all we need to do is catawampus over there and begin the second challenge of the season."

The campers reluctantly started their march towards the concessions hall when all of a sudden, Mike blurted out, "Hey, we're missing Scott!" All the others looked around and found that, yes; Scott had indeed failed to join the rest of the group in front of the cabins.

"I'll go back and see if he fell down in the cabin or something," Heather said, rolling her eyes. She walked back to the Protags cabin, where she found Scott still fast asleep and draped in his covers.

"Oh, Heather," he spoke out in his sleep while cuddling his pillow closer, startling the queen bee, "If only that obnoxious jerk Alejandro wasn't around, we could be together… Heather, the way you pretend to like people and then you kick them to the curb like last month's rotten Chinese chicken with old barbeque sauce on it is so hot…"

Heather kicked Scott in his unfortunately very exposed groin, waking the farm boy up immediately and causing him to fall down on the cabin floor in extreme pain. "We're starting a challenge. Wake up," she said coldly. Scott lifted one of his hands up from his damage area to give a very pained thumbs up.

* * *

**Heather**:"I'm not sure whether to be flattered or to try to chug the nearest jar of brain bleach. Oh wait, I am sure; I just have no clue if I would overdose and die before that horrible mental image leaves me."

* * *

The ensemble of campers (sans Dakota, who had been told to go on and head out back due to her enormous size) arrived at the concessions hall, where they found that all of the tables they typically ate their meals at had been overrun by chemical sets, pictures of the periodic table, and generally all things science. Chris led the contestants over to the back of the building, where they saw Chef Hatchet leaning against a counter, looking very bored. When he saw the contestants, however, a malicious grin spread over his face. "Let's begin, shall we, Chris?" he asked, and Chris slowly nodded in agreement.

"This sounds oddly dangerous for a challenge based on B- _Phil_ _Rye,_" Bridgette noted, and B gulped rather audibly upon seeing Chris somehow act even more evil, twisted, and sadistic than usual.

"I thought you said the scary challenge was over," Noah said simply, being basically the only one of the campers not to be afraid at this point.

"Ah, cut it out, Noah!" Chris said, dropping his smile and putting on his usual angry-with-you-stupid-contestants frown. "You ruined the whole thing! We were _trying_ to put you on edge, but _NOO,_ big 'ol Noah has to come _ruin_ our plans! Being scared makes you fail more, and failing more brings in more ratings, do the math! Do you think they would actually let us put you in harm on prime-time television?"

"Yes," Cody responded.

"Do you think they would actually let us put you in direct harm on prime-time television?" Chris rephrased after a few minutes of silence. Gwen opened her mouth to say something, but Chris cut her off. "Forget it! Talking to you campers is impossible!"

* * *

**Duncan**: "I thought only girls had to go through this kind of thing from time to time."

* * *

**Dawn**:"Chris seems really on edge lately, and I really have no clue why. All these attempts to be scary and creepy and junk seem indicative that he feels the need to frighten us. I'd see what's really troubling him, but the last time I tried to read his mind, I was scarred for life. That man really has an obsession with Lindsay…"

* * *

The campers were brought back outside the concessions hall, where they were reunited with Dakota and were able to see the full scale of why, exactly, Chris felt the need to camouflage today's challenge: a huge, dangerous obstacle course with two very narrow and rickety metal ramps leading over spikes and shark pits everywhere. All present looked around in fear as they saw the sheer extinct of how fatal the obstacle course really was.

"Um, Chris?" Zoey asked, finally breaking the long silence. "What, exactly, does this have to do with Bill Bye?"

"It's _PHIL RYE_, campers! Can't you wrap your stinkin' heads around it?" Chris yelled, overdramatically throwing his arm over his forehead like in those cliché death scenes. "But to answer your question, the higher-ups said it was too early in the season to be doing a challenge based on that one TV show where contestants go through an obstacle course suspended over water and race to the finish-"

"Don't you mean Wipeout?" Owen asked obliviously, causing Chris to put a finger-gun to his head and pretend to shoot himself.

"Anyway, the new goal of this challenge is to construct a robot out of spare parts that can successfully navigate the traps and pitfalls and make it to the finish line. Each team has been assigned a pile of old technology and other garbage that they may use to build this robot. Each team may have an unlimited amount of tries to get a robot across, in order to encourage being way too quick and, thus, causing more failures." The contestants rolled their eyes.

"All right, campers, these three piles of scrap can be used for pieces in the making of your robots," Chef noted, pointing over to three huge piles of almost any kind of old broken junk you could imagine, each with the name of the respective team on a board behind them. "Remember, you get an unlimited amount of tries, and if you're at all able to recover parts from previous failures, it's allowed to do so, even if it was parts from another team's failure. All right, lights, camera, action!"

* * *

**Duncan**: "I can't believe that they actually expect me, by myself, to be able to build a robot that can match up with the likes of one built by Cameron, or Cody. I mean, seriously! Is there any way I can win this challenge? I may as well just give up now…"

* * *

"All right, guys," Courtney said, running up to the scrap parts assigned to team Protags, "we need to somehow build a remote control robot or somesuch to allow us to control the robots' movements. Anybody got any ideas? And by 'anybody,' I mean you," she finished, pointing to Cameron.

"Ah, well," Cameron began, digging through the pile, "I don't see anything here that we could use to allow us to directly control the movements of the robot…"

"Then how are we supposed to do the challenge?" Scott asked, raising his shoulders and throwing an eyebrow up.

"Well, even if we can't directly control the robot, I can hotwire the motorboard from one of these old mouse toys," Cameron explained, picking up a small mouse figure that was formerly able to scatter all over the floor to amuse children. "By doing so, we can reprogram the mouse to follow our pre-programmed directions, which will allow it to curve around the snaky paths and make it to the finish line."

"Okay, but how about the sharks that keep popping out of the water?" Mike asked, gesturing at the crunch-happy sharks that would certainly tear the mouse-bot to pieces if they caught onto it. "And we'll have to be really good with timing to get past the spike traps," he added, pointing at the spikes that kept crashing down onto the metal path in the vein of guillotines.

"Both pressing concerns," Cameron noted, thinking for a bit. "We may have to move the motorboard from the mouse into a more durable host to get past all of these odd traps."

"Do you mind if I just go and sit over there?" Heather noted, pointing at the nearby flat land of grass that, while perhaps not the most comfortable seat in the world, could at least provide a more comfortable resting place than the hard gravels below. "I'm sure I won't be of much help during this part of the challenge anyway."

"I'll accompany you," Alejandro noted, walking away as well.

"Pfft, those two lazy bums are just lucky we've got a scientific brain on the team, and a good one, at that!" Scott scoffed, stretching his body and doing jumping jacks.

"Thanks, Scott! That means a lot to me!" Cameron replied, barely looking up as he picked up an old refrigerator door and considered using it as a protective casing.

"Uh, I was talking about myself, obviously," Scott replied, quite clearly rather annoyed with Cameron's retort.

* * *

**Scott**: "Some people, I swear! They always boast about how good they are, how they can do everything themselves and do better than everybody else! Somebody really needs to knock them off their high and mighty horse! That's a saying, right? I'm pretty sure that that's a saying. If not, well, hey! I made a new saying."

* * *

**Alejandro**: "Hmm, Scott is up to his old tricks again, I see. Boasting about how good he is in areas he obviously is not good in is a classic strategy: it makes the rest of the contestants underestimate you and believe you are simply an arrogant know-it-all who knows nothing. But I see right through your malicious wit, farm boy! I will expose you as a fraud! Then everybody will see who the true genius here is!"

* * *

Meanwhile, the Notags were having a rather petty argument over who should build the robot. "I'm just saying, I think Cody should build the robot," Bridgette noted. "His parents did sign him up for robotics three years in a row!"

"Um… how, exactly, did you know that?" Noah asked, rummaging through the pile for anything that might help the appointed robot-builder, regardless of who it was.

"Sometimes, unlike other people, I like to listen," Bridgette responded.

"Sorry if this sounds rude, but B has always been able to scrap together anything from random bits and pieces all scattered about…" Zoey noted. B nodded in agreement.

"DAKOTA THINK YOU SHOULD ALL SUCK UP PRIDE AND WORK TOGETHER!" Dakota screeched, bringing everyone to a complete stop.

"…Yeah, that works," Cody noted, walking over to the (now smaller and sorted) pile of scraps.

"Yeah, like my wolf-brother always said, two heads are better to die than be killed!" Izzy rambled, then she stopped to think for a moment. "Wait, I think I mixed up two different sayings there…"

* * *

**Dakota**: "SOMETIMES DAKOTA FEEL LIKE SHE ONLY SANE CONTESTANT."

* * *

B and Cody began to work on a plan to get the robot across, with Cody (obviously) doing all the talking and B, all the action. "Okay, so we could use these grooves here to clip onto the shaky platform… that would stop it from falling off the course… then we could use the huge metal covering from what looks like a dumpster over here to protect the robot from the spikes… so that leaves us with only one question: how do we get past the sharks? Questions, questions…"

B pointed at a laser pointer haphazardly thrown near the dock, having been discarded by Noah during his purge of the items he found useless in the construction. Then he pointed at a high-powered match also lying near the edge of the water. Cody began to compare the two items. "So if we combined the laser pointer and the match… we could make a laser! And that laser could help fend off the sharks if they try to bite into the robot… shine in their eyes…brilliant plan, B!" B smiled back.

The two attached their new make-shift laser to a dent in the robot's head to aide in the crossing of the hazardous river. "Now, we just turn the laser pointer on… yes, it's working! Now, push the robot on!" Cody triumphantly set the robot down on the ramp and pushed it on its way to victory. The machine barreled through the course, only pausing as the spikes rammed down and picked up its protective covering, letting the machine pass through afterwards.

"Oh no, the sharks are approaching!" Zoey noted, pointing at Fang, the shark that made everyone who competed in Revenge of the Island slightly aqua phobic. Indeed, Scott's arch-nemesis had manifested before the bot speeding its way towards the finish line.

"Moment of truth," Cody noted, licking his lips in anticipation.

Fang jumped up and bit into the robot, trying to pull it down into the water, but B's master plan began to take action as the laser on the robot's head started to burn the shark's face with the match-amplified heat. However, the two master robo-builders had left one variable out of their equation: the unmistakable fact that the robot's course was set directly over water. Fang jumped down into the water again to cool himself back down, then jumped right back up and, in one sweeping motion, used his tail to pry the robot free from the metal bar. The robot quickly plummeted into the waters below, ruining the first Notags robot.

"Oh, it looks like the Notags, despite having the two greatest robotic brains this year on their team, have managed to crash and fail epically to Fang, creating the first failure of the day!" Chris announced, telling the audience everything they already knew. "And – what's this? – it looks like Fang is diving back down after the robot!"

The Notags could only watch helplessly as the laser they were so proud they could invent resurfaced in the mouth of Fang. As if to pour salt on the wound, the laser was still somehow fully operational, and Fang turned over to the Notags camp, causing the laser to hit Cody directly in the eye.

"Aah!" our favorite Casanova wannabe screamed, falling to the ground in pain. His teammates crowded around him, helping him back to his feet.

"Are you okay?" Bridgette asked.

"Yes, he's perfectly fine, he just screamed, clutched his eye, and fell to the ground because he was practicing a part for an upcoming musical adaptation of 'Eye Scream,'" Noah retorted with his usual sarcasm.

"I mean, I guess I'm fine," Cody answered, either ignoring Noah's remark or perhaps outright not hearing it due to his extreme pain. "But that shark has a really, _really_ bright laser at its disposal now. Who knows how much trouble that thing could cause?"

While all of this was going on, Duncan sat in a corner, looking at the panic and chuckling slightly. "I'm glad I'm not even trying now. If all these people with experience are failing this badly, who knows how much trouble I could cause?"

Suddenly, Chris took notice of the idle contestant kicking around and doing nothing. "And it looks like the entirety of Team Even Bigger Sweethearts is lazing about!" he announced over his megaphone, expecting Duncan to become annoyed.

"I'm glad you feel like I have a chance, Chris," Duncan called back coolly, reclining and putting his hands behind his head. "Really helps my self-confidence issues."

"All right, Duncan, cut the act. I'm not afraid to have a double elimination on the second day, you know," Chris noted.

"What are you saying?" Duncan asked suspiciously, having become slightly less enthused.

"I'll put it to you in words your simplistic brain can understand: work on building a robot, or you won't have another challenge to not participate in!" Chris explained.

Duncan shrugged. "If you insist," he replied. He got up, walked over to his scrap pile, and wordlessly placed a random broken piece of a satellite dish on top of an old computer monitor. Then he tapped his chin in mock thought. "I can't seem to think of anything else to do now, Chris. But if I relax long and hard enough, I'm sure new thoughts will come to me in 10-minute intervals."

Chris frowned and growled, but left the delinquent be.

In the meantime, Cameron had been working on the Protags' robot, unaided by his teammates, who were at varying levels of obliviousness about robots, from "I watched 'I, Robot' once" to "I did the robot to a Jason Derulo song before," making them about as useless to the construction of a robot as an air guitar player is at a live playing of covers of 80's hits.

"Hey, Cameron!" Owen shouted at the overworked bubble boy. "We should, like, build a laser cannon so we can blast the sharks away! And, and like, a turbo jetpack so we can just let the robot fly right over the spikes and the guillotines! Let's do that!"

Cameron sighed. "Owen, as cool as that idea sounds, I think we should-" Cameron was quickly pushed out of the way by Scott, who seemed eager to try his hand at building the robot.

"As stuck up as Cameron may be acting, Owen, I would be _happy_ to build a laser cannon this piece of junk could use," Scott noted.

* * *

**Scott**: Cameron doesn't realize what he's doing! Why would you turn down an idea like that and make your reputation with the other contestants lower?

* * *

"Let's try this here… and this here… and boom! We have got ourselves a laser cannon!" Scott said, gesturing towards the robot, which now had a Nintendo 64 controller bashed into the front and a flower pot sitting on its head, with some random cheap-o McDonald's toy that looked like a leprechaun stuck inside a gaping hole in the side of the machine. "The Playstation controller here will aim the laser, then the little leprechaun man inside the machine will use the energy the flower pot gets from photogenocide to produce the laser!" This announcement was met with the longest, most uncomfortable silence in the history of Total Drama, and that's counting the times when the campers were asleep.

* * *

**Gwen**: I counted 8 errors in that sentence, and I didn't even listen to the whole thing.

* * *

**Alejandro**: "Photogenocide"? He's not even trying anymore! This is clearly his last resort for making himself seem as stupid as possible! I am on to you, _el genio_!

* * *

"Now, we just push this baby on to the platform, and…" Scott laid the robot on the rickety path, causing the poor collection of scrap metal to be dumped into the waters below instantly – likely for the best, as Fang might've choked on the loose collection of parts making the robot up, and PETA was already up in Chris' business enough.

The rest of the Protags stood around and looked at the parts slowly sink to the bottom of the water. Cameron slowly facepalmed as he realized they had now lost the main method of controlling any future robots. "I… could… we need that microchip from the mouse…"

"I'll get it," Mike immediately offered, jumping into the water and pushing downwards. Eventually, he was able to recover the chip from the exposed parts floating everywhere, and he quickly emerged from the water, gasping in breathes as he handed the chip to Cameron before climbing up back onto the dock and collapsing onto the grass just a few steps away.

"Thanks, Mike!" Cameron called out. Mike gave a weak thumbs up back before passing out on the ground. Cameron gulped, but he knew he had to work on the challenge for the time being; he could worry about Mike later. Gathering up the pile of parts, he again began reluctantly searching for anything that could help him build a robot.

Meanwhile, Cody and B were trying to formulate another plan to get a robot across. "Um… so, if we can get a foolproof way to stop all of the hazards, while still preventing the shaking so the robot doesn't get knocked off… oh, but how could we build something like that… what materials would even be capable of…" He was abruptly cut off by a tackle from behind him from Sierra, who had snuck away from her team to come see Cody (who else?)

"Hi, Cody!" Sierra said with a twitching eye. "Oh, do you wanna work together on building that robot? I bet we'd make a great team! We could hold hands while we put the pieces on and…"

"Um, Sierra?" Cody said, breathing heavily and speaking in a nervous tone. "We, um… well… we are on… different teams this year, so… we can't… work together on building this robot…"

* * *

**Cody**: It's been so long since I've had to deal with Sierra… I have entirely forgotten how to get her off my back, and that could cause problems… (gulp) Wish me luck, guys…

* * *

B, mildly amused with all of the commotion, continued working on building the robot. He was able to hook up an old joystick to a kid's old toy rover and manipulate it so that the joystick could spin the gears in just the right way, allowing him to steer the rover somewhat, albeit in a slightly delayed fashion; he would have to think quickly to keep the robot moving.

In the meantime, Bridgette was trying her hardest to distract Sierra so Cody could get back to the challenge, with very little success. "Um, I think someone on your team is looking for you, Sierra! They might need your help! You need to help them, or you could be a candidate for being voted off! That would be disastrous, right? You would be without Cody again!"

Sierra stopped to think for a minute. "Hmm… you make a good point…" Sierra noted, as Cody struggled to keep in a sigh of relief. "But, I'm on a team with _Heather_. There is no way I'm going home before she is!" And with that, Sierra continued in her quest to glomp Cody, who gulped and tried his best to get out of it.

"I… err…" Try as he might, though, Cody was unable to release himself from the steel grip of Sierra. Bridgette, too, gave up on her futile task of getting Cody back to the challenge.

* * *

**Bridgette**: Sierra is to Cody like a moth is to a light, if the light were the one who died instead of the moth. Is there anybody out there more insane than this girl? Seriously and legitimately?

* * *

Suddenly, Izzy popped out of nowhere and whispered to Bridgette, "I think I know how to get Sierra to leave," then marched straight over to the loony fangirl and started up a one-sided "conversation" with Sierra. What followed was indubitably the most indescribably random 17 minutes of footage in Total Drama history, involving cheese-flavored cinder blocks and obscure brands of onions and for both my sake and yours, we should be extremely thankful that Walker was a kind enough intern to sit through the whole thing and cut it all, likely losing what small bit of sanity was left in him in the process.

* * *

**Dawn**: Things like this are the reason I don't read other minds without a legitimate excuse. (shiver)

* * *

**Duncan**: I didn't mean to eavesdrop but man, how do you apply a chicken suit in that many different situations?

* * *

**Noah**: This conversation was literally so random I have absolutely no smarmy remarks to make about it. Shocking, I know. I counted at least six different languages Izzy used, and two of them are dead languages.

* * *

Sierra now officially having lost the ability to comprehend anything, she slowly stumbled down back across the dock to her teammates. Cody, in the meantime, stumbled over and found B, who had been lucky enough to have drowned out the whole conversation and focused on the project at hand.

B had managed to outfit the robot with a protective coating of assorted metals, which would easily protect the robot from the spikes crashing down onto the platform. The sharks, being intelligent creatures, were a different story, but B had decided that there was a way the robot could deal with them; by attaching an old Febreeze can to the side of the rover and filling it with a slab of steak he had brought from home (he wasn't eating Chef's food the entire time, after all), he was able to command the rover to pump out the smell of steak to the surrounding air, sure to attract the sharks to that smell and keep them off the trail of the robot.

Cody, still shaken from his many failed attempts at understanding Izzy's rambling, simply nodded. "I – think this might work," he noted. B smiled and began to prepare the robot for launch.

In the meantime, Courtney was watching over from the area where the Protags were. "Guys, they've got a robot ready! Why don't _we_ have a robot ready? Hurry up!"

Cameron gave an exasperated sigh. "Because _somebody_ broke our first robot and we have to wait for the microchip to dry off before we can try using it again," he elaborated.

"Isn't there _anything_ _else_ in that pile we could use instead? They're walking all over us!" Heather complained.

"I've looked, but this pile just isn't as good as theirs is," Cameron replied, working noticeably faster than he was before.

"Hmm…" Gwen muttered as a slight smile crept over her face. "Well, we could try _sabotaging_ the other team…" She pointed at a large bowling ball in the pile.

"What? No, we can't do that, it's wrong!" Cameron said frantically, shaking his hands around. "Besides, what if Chris catches us?"

"Oh, Chris is going to catch us, I can guarantee that," Gwen noted. "But he's _Chris_. Do you think he'd _care_ about us cheating? I mean, it's not like he specifically said, 'Oh, and by the way, any team that gets caught cheating is automatically disqualified,' right? He's probably waiting for someone to start the sabotage right now, and believe me, we'd be just as well starting it off."

Cameron thought about that for a few seconds.

* * *

**Gwen**: Like I said, I'm in it to win it this time around. Even if that means I might have to stoop to some lower levels than I have before… Heather, Alejandro, Duncan, Courtney, and Scott are all on this season. Do you really think that out of all these people, me suggesting we cheat is the worst thing that's going to happen?

* * *

**Cameron**: Being in charge of the team is so stressful! I can't do something stupid and idiotic that would cause us to lose, but at the same time, I can't ignore their suggestions, either! This is why I prefer to work alone on projects!

* * *

"Well, it looks like I'm in charge of doing this job since High-And-Mighty here can't bring himself to get his hands dirty," Scott noted, picking up the bowling ball.

Meanwhile, everybody in Team Notags was working together to pick up the rover and move it to the metal beam (even Noah, though he wasn't doing as much work as everybody else). Finally, they dropped the heavy robot onto the pathway.

"Ready for launch, B?" Zoey asked, handing him the joystick from the ground. B nodded and smiled as he began to steer the robot across the water. Things went rather smoothly for the rover's maiden voyage, as the robot easily attracted all the sharks to one particular spot in the water; by the time the sharks arrived, the robot was already gone. It also easily slipped under the crushing spikes and suffered only a small delay before continuing on its path.

"Looks like we got this one in the bag!" Cody noted, prompting an immediate facepalm from Noah.

* * *

**Noah**: I can't believe people are _still_ stupid enough to say things like that on TV. You might as well be saying, "Oh fate, come and screw me over!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Scott had managed to carry the bowling ball all the way to a point on the dock close enough to the Notags' path to throw the bowling ball onto the path and screw up the robot without anyone noticing. He watched suspiciously as the robot whizzed by him, heading straight for the finish line. "Here… we… GO!" and the bowling ball soared onto the path.

The reaction was almost instantaneous, as the path began to rock rapidly and shake the rover. B frantically began to mash the joystick in different directions to keep the robot on track. After several tense minutes, the robot was stabilized and the Notags began to breathe a premature breath of relief.

Of course, the pain and humiliation wasn't over yet, as the steak stench had worn off and the sharks were hungry for more. Quite unfortunately, B had also accidentally hit the button on the joystick to release the steak smell into the air around it.

"Uh… I don't think we're good yet," Zoey noted, pointing at the sharks rushing towards the path. The rover had lost a lot of momentum in the process of stabilizing itself, and try as it might, it simply could not gain enough speed to outspeed Fang and the gang (that would make a good band name) As a result, the sharks quickly caught up to the rover and its succulent smell, and the Notags could only watch helplessly as their second robot was pushed into the water.

"No, we had that one!" Cody said, slapping his hand against his face. "Why did the path start shaking like that?"

Izzy then popped back in, having watched all the commotion from a distance. "Well, Izzy thinks that that reeked of sabotage from the other team!" The other Notags gasped. "And I'm going to go pay those stuck-up Protags back!" With that, Izzy disappeared yet again, and her teammates were left to wonder about what she said.

* * *

**Zoey**: The other team would never sabotage us, right? I mean, Cameron and Mike would talk them out of it, right? I mean, the only explanation is… maybe someone like Scott or Heather broke off and did this themselves! Ooh, that makes me so mad! Oh, am I sounding like I'm grasping at straws? Sorry!

* * *

**Duncan**: Hate to agree with Izzy for once, but it seems like she may just be right about this sabotage business. There's no way the path would shake and rattle like that without some sort of outside influence, and I don't trust anyone on the Protags… actually I don't trust anyone, but the Notags are slightly more bearable than the Protags. Besides, if the Notags lose, I think they'd vote off B at this point, and a man who can say so much in so few words is cool in my book. I'll have to keep my eye open in the future…

* * *

"Will you _hurry it up_ already?" Heather yelled at Cameron from across the beach. "At this point, we'll be in the seventeenth season before we beat this one challenge!"

"I'm trying my best!" Cameron replied frantically, wrapping two wires together and plugging them into the stomach area of the robot. He stopped to look at it just for a second, and then nodded. "I think we're ready!" he noted to the rest of his team. "Let's do this!"

The other, slightly stronger teammates nodded and worked together to pick up the robot and place it on the track. It rattled and shook as it careened down through the track, its wires sparking inside.

Cameron looked cautiously and waited until the sharks had jumped up to try to grab a bite, and then quickly hit a button on a walkie-talkie he had reprogrammed. A large amount of pepper spray was subsequently blown directly into the sharks' eyes, causing them to panic and begin frantically swimming around in the water. The spikes crunched down onto the robot, but it was unhurt, as Cameron had outfitted it with a protective covering.

The Protags began cheering as the robot zoomed towards the finish line, unfettered by the commotion caused by the still-reeling sharks. Just as it was about to reach the end, however, Izzy appeared and began dancing across the platform.

"I guess you could say that your robot is really grinding my gears!" the psycho girl shouted, laughing maniacally as she high-kicked the robot into the water, causing a short circuit. Izzy then bowed before tiptoeing back across until she got to land. At that point, she cartwheeled all the way back to her team.

Heather gasped, but Alejandro simply muttered and stood up, pushing her slightly to the left. "I'll handle this," he said, walking right over to the Notags.

"Hey! What do you think you were doing back there?" he shouted at the Notags, who were congregated around the scrap pile, trying to see what else they could use as parts.

"Winning," Noah replied, not even looking up as he picked up a can opener and looked at while tapping his chin.

"No, that was _cheating_, which, must I remind you, is _wrong_. So apologize for ruining our perfect run, and maybe I'll be nice enough to-"

"What makes our 'cheating' more wrong than yours?" Bridgette asked, narrowing her eyes.

Alejandro reared back, looking offended. "Cheating? Why, we would _never_ stoop to such a low level! Lie, manipulate, yes, I must admit even I would not be considered above doing that. But to _cheat_? That would be against everything I stood for!" Bridgette grabbed Alejandro by the collar and snarled in his face, very uncharacteristic of the otherwise laid-back girl.

"Listen, we know you or somebody on your team cheated, there is nothing you could say that could ever make us believe otherwise, because it's a fact. If your team has the right to cheat, then so does our team. So don't come over here acting like your team is so privileged and we're stepping on your toes. Now get your lying butt back over to your team and wait for us to win."

Alejandro's face twisted into a scowl, but, seeing as how he could say nothing that Bridgette couldn't completely and utterly thrash him for, he slowly and deliberately made his way back to his team.

"Are we gonna get an actual chance to win this challenge now?" Heather asked.

"As it turns out, _Bridgette_ over there could be an attorney in training the way she twists things," Alejandro spat as he sat back down on the beach, unaware of the sheer hypocrisy of his statement.

* * *

**Bridgette**: If there is one thing that I absolutely hate, it's self-righteous hypocrites like Alejandro. It would have been a different story if our team had initiated the sabotage, but this is just the stupidest whiny complaint I've ever heard. I can't believe he fooled us all during World Tour…

* * *

The Notags all huddled around Bridgette at their robot building pile, except for B and Cody, who were busy building another robot. "All right, it seems like Cody and B are the only two people around here who are actually working on the challenge," she noted. "And as we've seen, cheating and breaking the other team's robot is going completely unpunished by Chris. So, I want us to split up. Izzy, you walk over to the Protags and engage them in the stupidest possible conversation, got it?"

Izzy saluted. "This is my favorite challenge ever!" she shouted as she rushed over to where the Protags were. "Hey, have you guys ever heard of Schrödinger's cat?" she asked as everybody on the Protags groaned.

Bridgette only gave a brief glance that way before continuing her plan. "Okay, so the rest of us are gonna go around to various places on their track and sabotage them however we can. Got it?" The rest of the Notags nodded in agreement, and then they put their hands on top of each other and shouted, "Three, two, one, NOTAGS!" before running to find a suitable sabotage point.

* * *

After a commercial break, Chris showed up on screen smiling at the camera. "It's been six hours since we've started this challenge. We elected not to stop the sabotage because it made for better ratings, and because the challenge would've been over in less than an hour. Unfortunately, it seems that our campers are far better at breaking things than making them, because as you can see –" Chris gestured towards the water, which was now littered with scrap metal – "NOBODY HAS MANAGED TO PASS THE FINISH LINE YET. Oh, sure, we _could_ implement a no-cheating rule, but everybody has _stopped working_!"

The cameras panned in to reveal multiple campers resting their heads or sitting down, numb from all the robot building/breaking they've been doing. Scott, in particular, had fallen asleep by the water and was dreaming peacefully. Even the sharks seemed fatigued, swimming very slowly around and panting.

Meanwhile, Cameron, the only camper left working, was sweating and frantically trying to build his thirty-second robot. "If… if this part… goes here…" he mumbled to nobody in particular, throwing random parts haphazardly onto the pile.

"Just give it up," Owen yawned, sleepily curling up on the ground. "The other team isn't working."

Indeed, Cody and B had thrown in the towel and were sitting down, giving their tired arms a rest.

Only Duncan seemed happy. Having sat down the whole time and threw parts on his "robot" that had absolutely no purpose, and having completely ignores the sabotage going on around him, he was the most alert and well-rested of the campers.

Chris cast him a disapproving glance. "You know what, Duncan, let's try to spice this challenge up. From now on, each team must launch at least one robot every twenty minutes. This encourages a quick-er finish to this challenge, and more importantly, forces Duncan to get off of his lazy butt. Sound fair? Now, launch that bot."

Duncan rolled his eyes and made his way over to the garbage pile (it was unworthy of any other name) and kicked it into the water.

In the meantime, Scott was having a very bad nightmare. "No! Not him too!" Scott screamed in his sleep, flailing about on the ground. He rolled back and forth on the ground, before splashing into the water.

Instantly, Fang, who was on the other side near Team Even Bigger Sweethearts' workstation, picked up the farm boy's scent. Swimming forward, his tail caught a hula hoop Duncan had smashed into his robot, and as Fang swam for his favorite snack, he began dragging Duncan's robot along with him.

Scott, having awakened from the fall into the water, was trying to spit out all of the water from his mouth, only to find he had inhaled various pieces of assorted equipment as well. However, he quickly abandoned his task when he saw Fang's fin speeding towards him, a clear sign that he should get out of the water lest he suffer another serious injury like in season four. Scrambling to climb up the edge, he silently cursed himself for not taking those advanced climbing lessons they were offering last fall.

Quickly finding that the edge was far too slippery for him to climb up, he desperately kicked off and began swimming as fast as he could to the edge of the water, where there was a much less steep hill. Fang was not far behind, determined to have Redheaded-Country-boy-on-a-stick for dinner.

Scott managed to throw himself up on shore just as Fang lunged out to take a bite out of him, causing the shark to smack right into the dirt. Scott cheered, but was cut off short as Duncan's robot flew over Fang from the force of impact, crushing Scott and breaking into many pieces.

"And Team Even Bigger Sweethearts takes the challenge!" Chris announced happily, determined to get the show on the road. "Blah blah, Duncan gets invincibility, we'll be right back for the tiebreaker okay bye!" With those few words, Chris rushed out the spectator booth and made a mad dash at the outhouses, presumably having held his bladder the entire challenge.

Duncan stared dumbfounded at the broken parts on the other side of the water, then shrugged it off. "I guess that's just the Duncan charm," he said, laughing as he walked off. "I'm going to go take a nice, long nap. Don't wake me up crying if you Notags lose, or for that matter, cheering if you win."

Mike walked up to Cameron, who was curled up in the fetal position, his bloodshot eyes trembling. "Hey, Cam, are you okay?" he asked, causing Cameron to turn his head slowly.

"No! No… Sorry, Mike, but I am so tired right now… I don't know if I can take doing a tiebreaker challenge."

"Hey, don't worry! You know Chris, he'll probably just have us… um… well, it'll probably be something athletic or… well, if it's something like running laps around the island, I mean, we won't make you do that. Right?" Mike's attempts to comfort Cameron were ineffectual, as Cameron became even more worried.

Chris then returned from the outhouse, picking up his megaphone. "All right, campers, it's time for Team Protags and Team Notags to duel it out in a staple of game shows: the quiz show! Okay, so it doesn't have much to do with Phil Rye, but really, there's not much that does, you know? I had to think of this on the fly anyway, I was just gonna put Duncan in with the losing team… Anyway! All right, contestants, report back inside the concessions hall for your challenge!"

"Wait, don't we get a bathroom break?" a concerned Owen asked.

"Nope! Get your butts in there!" The contestants begrudgingly trudged inside.

Once inside, Chris looked around the room and saw two interns talking. "You two!" he said, pointing at them. "You look like you're having fun! Well, too bad! Come over here and help us with this challenge." The interns looked at each other and rolled their eyes before coming.

Chris looked around at the surroundings before pointing at some unused tables at the corner of the room. "Go grab those and mash them together so we can use them for the contestants." The interns nodded and dragged the tables over, setting them on opposite sides of the room, giving the impression of a traditional quiz show game.

"All right, contestants, take your seats!" The room quickly became a scrambled mess, as nobody on the teams were for sure which side was for their team. Chris rolled his eyes. "Do I have to do _everything_ myself?" he asked, directing the Protags to the left table and the Notags to the right.

"Now, before we begin, does anyone have any questions?" Owen raised his hand. "No, Owen, the outhouse is off limits right now." Owen lowered his hand.

Dawn raised her hand. "Okay, what's your question, Dawn?"

"Um, if you weren't planning on doing a second challenge, why are all the tables stacked with scientific materials?"

"Oh, that! We invited a school to come take a field trip here and learn stuff! It helps both parties; it gets us better ratings because we're good people, and it, um… lets children come to a movie lot? Actually, it basically just benefits us."

* * *

**Noah**: I wonder what the headlines are going to be. "Reality show host responsible for 4 missing children"? "Children scammed out of money by fool's gold from reality show host"? Yeah, great call, send your children on a field trip to Camp Wawanakwa 2.0 with a sadistic host! Parents these days.

* * *

Chris cut off the chatting campers. "Anyway, we've got no more time for questions! We've gotta get this show on the road so I'll have time to make a celebrity guest appearance for the kiddies! On to the challenge!"

The two interns stood in front of each table, looking over the contestants. "We don't have buzzers in the traditional sense, so what we're going to have you do is pound on the table if you think you know the answer. If there's any confusion as to who answered first, our interns will settle it. Okay? Good!" Chris explained. "I'll ask nine questions, whichever team has the most points at the end wins."

"Looks like we'll be leaning on Cameron again," Heather noted, rolling her eyes. Cameron pounded his face against the table.

* * *

**Cameron**: Will I never get a break? All day long I've been the only one doing anything! I can't handle this!

* * *

"Okay, first question! What protective part of a cell is not found in animal cells?" Cameron pounded the table.

"Cell wall!" he shouted, sweating.

"Correct! That's one point for the Protags! Next question! What type of cells have an incomplete nucleus?" This time, Cody answered.

"Prokaryotic!"

"Correct! Tied at one point. Next question! What kinds of bonds are made between a metal and a nonmetal?" After a short silence, Bridgette decided to answer.

"Ionic?"

"Yep! That's two for the Notags and one for the Protags! Next question! Who was credited for creating the first periodic table?" Cameron beat the Notags to the punch this time.

"Mendeleev!" he shouted. Chris nodded.

"We are tied at two! Next question, what elements are in group seventeen on the periodic table?" Cameron slammed in yet again.

"Halogens!" he said, his head now twitching back and forth.

"Correct! Um, Cameron, you might wanna… you might wanna get that checked…" Chris pointed out, as Cameron's neck veins started popping out.

* * *

**Gwen**: Is Chris… actually showing concern for someone? Things really _have_ changed this season!

* * *

"That's three points for the Protags now! Next question! Um… uh… I'm out of ideas… um… who… discovered gravity?"

Cody had slammed the table before the question was even finished. "Isaac Newton!"

"Yeah, whatever, okay, uh, we got three points apiece now… what does… what was Newton's first law… yeah…"

Zoey had this one. "Uh… objects in motion stay in motion?" she said uncertainly. Chris ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Yeah, whatever."

* * *

**Owen**: Chris is acting really weird today… like, he got all emotional this morning and now he's just tired. I wonder if he's getting sick.

* * *

Chris mumbled a bit before asking the next question. "What is the universal solvent?"

Scott managed to slam down before anybody else, somehow. "Water, H20, get fancy with the name."

"Scott, you… actually got that one right. I'm impressed." Chris noted.

* * *

**Scott**: Everyone thinks that I'm an idiot who doesn't pay attention. Well, guess what! I pay attention in science! Every other Tuesday… but it still counts!

* * *

"Um, so… we're tied at four points… the next question will determine the winner, yay, get excited, everybody…" Chris looked like he was about to pass out from sheer exhaustion. "What element… is represented by an H?"

Cameron slammed hard on the table. The rest of the Protags began cheering.

"What's the answer…" Chris asked, not even caring at this point.

"HELIUM!" Cameron shouted, loud enough that the whole crowd began staring at him. Chris threw his hands up in the air.

"Whoo-hoo, Protags win, good job, yeah," he said unenthusiastically, hobbling away.

"What?! That answer was wrong! It was hydrogen!" Sierra shouted at Chris. "Even I knew that!"

"SIERRA!" the rest of the Protags shouted. Chris gave an exceptionally long sigh. "Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine," he moaned. "Notags win, hooray." Chris stumbled away.

The Notags cheered as the Protags began glaring at Cameron, who began headdesking and twitching uncontrollably.

* * *

**Heather**: I absolutely can't believe Cameron missed a question that even I knew! That nerd cost us the challenge, and he is going to pay!

* * *

**Gwen**: This is actually a good thing, if you look at it through a gameplay perspective; now we can get rid of Heather or Scott or Alejandro, whoever needs to be disposed of most. I'll be looking forward to having one less complainer on our team.

* * *

**Alejandro**: Hmm. I'd be willing to wager that most of the contestants on the team are going to vote for mi amor… but I won't be letting that happen, no. I have a plan.

* * *

"All right, contestants!" Chef Hatchet yelled, taking command of the jittery contestants. "Pretty boy has gone to his trailer, so I'll be arranging this elimination ceremony. Go immediately to voting, no pit stops!" The contestants trudged out of the kitchen.

Alejandro, meanwhile, was putting his plan into motion. First, he got up with Scott, as much as it pained him. "Hey, I want to interest you in an alliance. Can you-" he was cut off by Scott, who kept walking.

"I'm voting for Cameron," he said, taking a slightly brisker pace. "I didn't save us near the end for nothing."

Alejandro shrugged and began running around to talk to the rest of the Protags.

"Hey Cameron, did you hear that Scott was talking trash about you?"

* * *

**Cameron**: I'm voting for Scott!

* * *

"Ah, Courtney, you look lovely today! Could I interest you in helping me vote out Scott?"

* * *

**Courtney**: Well, I was debating voting for Cameron, but… Alejandro's right, I'm voting for Scott."

* * *

"Owen, my man! It wouldn't take much convincing to have you vote for Heather, would it?"

* * *

**Owen**: Al's voting for Heather, so… I guess I will too. Weird he's voting for his girlfriend, I wonder if they got into a fight or something.

* * *

"Mike, I know you don't like me, but would you mind voting for Cameron?"

* * *

**Mike:** You know what, Alejandro's so infuriating that I am voting for him over Heather. How do you like that?

* * *

"Hey, Sierra! I, um…" Alejandro paused for a few seconds.

"I don't like Cody."

* * *

**Sierra**: The nerve of some people! Al is going down!

* * *

**Alejandro**: I am just so good! Getting Mike to vote for me instead of Heather took some deadly reverse psychology – and I'll admit, I panicked talking to Sierra – but now, everyone's votes are in place. Let's see you try to smart your way out of this, Cameron.

* * *

Chef walked up to the front of the campers. "All right, it looks like I'll be the one announcing the losers today. Golden Chris statues are going to… Owen! Gwen! Sierra! Courtney! And Mike!" All of the contestants caught their trophies; Owen ate his, the others disposed of theirs on the ground, not willing to risk it.

"Now, we're giving Golden Chrises to Scott! Aaaaaaaand Alejandro!" The villains both reached up to grab the trophies; Alejandro caught his, while Scott tipped his, causing it to plummet straight into Owen's mouth. A few confused murmurs arose from the crowd, but Chef silenced the campers. "And the last Golden Chris of the day will be going to…!"

…

…

…

…

…

…

"Heather!"

Cameron stared forward aimlessly as the Protags erupted into conversation. Alejandro cut them off with a hearty laugh. "You idiots! I played you all like a bassoon! You are all so predictable! While I was out splitting your votes between us three," he gestured at Scott, Heather, and himself, "we were voting for Cameron! And you all fell for it, didn't you? We have outsmarted you!" He threw his hands up in success.

"Hey, I wasn't a part of this!" Scott complained.

"Yeah, me either!" Heather noted, offended.

The other contestants stared cruelly at the three, while Chef led Cameron over to the Rickshaw of Shame. "You were always one of my favorite," Chef noted coldly. Cameron stared at the man dumbfounded, looking for some kind of explanation, but he was already in position and in no condition to ask questions, and he was blasted off with the push of a button.

* * *

**Alejandro**: Not only have I removed the only contestant smarter than me, I've brought Scott and Heather down with me, and with my charm, I'm the shiniest of three turds! Now, I just need to make sure we lose exactly two more challenges… and I'm set.

* * *

**Gwen**: And I bet Heather was behind this whole thing, too! You know what, I'm sick of it. I'm sick of making friends and bonding with people only to watch them dispatched by rednecks who think they're smarter than everybody! No more Mrs. Nice, Perky Goth; it's time for me to start playing this game seriously.

* * *

**Courtney: **I have had just about enough of Alejandro playing everybody! I mean, he owes up to how evil he was and we still can't manage to vote him off! I am determined that we are going to kick Al out of this game before he can say "El sorry-o" or however you say sorry in Spanish!

* * *

**Waffle:** This is the hardest thing I've ever written, like seriously I can't even.

Sorry for being late and un-punctual, I went on vacation and couldn't upload while I was gone. It won't happen again! [s]until July when I have three camps in a row, fun[/s]

I had a ton of ideas and no clue how to use them. Everything in this chapter becomes important later. Everything. Except most of the things. They will not become important. But everything else will. Cryptic enough for ya?

I have nothing clever to say, I'll turn this over to Pika.

**Pika Scootaloo:** I actually wasn't expecting that to happen near the end. I mean, duh, I knew Cameron was getting eliminated, since I came up with the elimination orders, but I expected it to be "Mike, Cameron, Owen, and Gwen vote for Scott or Alejandro; Heather, Alejandro, Scott, and Courtney voting for Cam, and Heather convincing Sierra to vote for Cameron". In retrospect, I'm glad that it didn't go that way. I mean, Sierra was enacting her Gwameron plan the previous chapter, so why would she vote Cameron if it'd just make Gwen single again? Even with Heather's influence, it just wouldn't make sense. Also, it fits perfectly with what I have planned for Courtney next episode.

Alejandro's a jerk for orchestrating the votes against one of my favorite characters. We really have got to make him less of a godplayer in the sense that anytime he has a plan, it magically succeeds. It'd make for less predictability.

I'm really glad you wrote this episode, Waffle. It means I didn't have to. Typing the name of who goes is easy, actually putting it in the fic is hard!

As per usual, I'll be writing the next episode. It's our obligatory sports episode! Betrayal! Explosions! Forbidden love that you can only read about in fanon ship fics! Or not! We don't care! Tune in next time, same bat-time, same bat-channel. Waffle?

**Waffle: **Same time... hehehehe... oops.

I can't apologize enough for living in the Procrasti Nation, guys! I mean, I had an excuse, but that's no excuse.

Fun Fact of the day: Given that the chapter's name is "Weird Science," I tried to shoehorn a Weird Al reference in, but it didn't work :_:


End file.
